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Summer assignment #1: Honors English 10 (Weak and wordy sentences)
DETAILED INSTRUCTIONS
1. Before you begin this writing assignment, carefully work throughthe guide, a step at a time, studying each example and explanation of the four errors which contribute to “weak and wordy sentences:”
Abstract subjects
Weak verbs
the passive voice
“nounification”
2. Write your own “worksheet,” creating 10 sentences that contain at least 2 of these errors each. Create your sentences by writing about characters, themes, events, or situations (and their significance) in books you are currently reading, preferably in “show → tell” form. Indicate which errors the sentence contains, using the abbreviations: as/wv/pv/n
3. Follow each “incorrect” sentence with an improved version, free of these four errors.
Keep your document compact by single spacing it, feeling free to copy this template:
Bad Sentence 1.(errors: ? ):
(+) Free of errors:
Bad Sentence 2.(errors: ? ):
(+) Free of errors:
Bad Sentence 3.(errors: ? ):
(+) Free of errors:
Bad Sentence 4.(errors: ? ):
(+) Free of errors:
Bad Sentence 5.(errors: ? ):
(+) Free of errors:
Bad Sentence 6.(errors: ? ):
(+) Free of errors:
Bad Sentence 7.(errors: ? ):
(+) Free of errors:
Bad Sentence 8.(errors: ? ):
(+) Free of errors:
Bad Sentence 9.(errors: ? ):
(+) Free of errors:
Bad Sentence 10.(errors: ? ):
(+) Free of errors:
4. Copy your response from your document and insert it as a comment to this post below.
To keep our comment threads more manageable, students whose last names begin A-L will post on one thread, those from M-Z on the next thread.
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(So, for example, I might be englishteacher1018, or penglish1018 or
Ba-weepoleman1018, you get the idea. In either case, do not use your actual, correctly-spelled name, but do not be anonymous.)
25 comments:
Based on Franny and Zooey by JD Salinger and Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen
Bad Sentence 1 (errors: PV/WV/NOUNIF): “Phonies”, or pretentious people in the English department and people with inflated self-image, are people from which Franny is trying to be distanced from, so she decides to stop being an actress, which she considers to be a profession based on ego.
(+) Free of errors: Franny decides to quit pursuing an acting career in order to avoid becoming like the pretentious, egocentric “phonies” she despises.
Bad Sentence 2 (errors:AS/PV): The disdainful feelings Franny has towards “section men” causes there to be irony in the story since she is dating Lane, who is an academic, intellectual man himself.
(+) Free of errors: Franny is dating Lane, an intellectual, which is ironic considering she dislikes academic “section men”.
Bad Sentence 3 (errors: PV, AS, WV): Franny’s obsession with the “Jesus prayer” is from her belief that the recitation of this mantra will cause her to be spiritually cleansed of the corruption she has been exposed to so far in her life.
(+) Free of errors: Franny obsesses over the “Jesus prayer” because she hopes it will cleanse her soul after all the corruption she has so far experienced in life.
Bad Sentence 4(errors: WV/PV): Zooey is being insulted by his mother because she is hinting that she is planning to have Franny receive help from a psychoanalyst, while Zooey says psychologists have beliefs that they would impose upon Franny and make her become mentally insane just as it did to their brother Seymour.
(+) Free of errors: Zooey distrusts psychologists since they contributed to his brother Seymour’s insanity.
Bad Sentence 5(errors: PV/Nounif): Zooey feels that his unconventional upbringing is what caused Franny and him to be “freaks”, since his childhood included many conflicting spiritual and religious perspectives presented to him by his siblings and parents, and also that their time working on “It’s a Wise Child” radio show during their childhood caused them to be abnormal adults.
(+) Free of errors: Zooey argues that he and Franny are “freaks” because of their unconventional upbringing, which included a variety of religious philosophies, and their time on the “It’s a Wise Child” radio show.
(This is the second half of the assignment; there is a limit to the number of characters you can post at once in a comment)
Bad Sentence 6(errors: AS/PV ): Franny’s obsessive worshipping of Jesus is challenged by Zooey, who believes she, in her current delusional state of mind, has unconsciously combined Jesus with other religious figures as well as her deceased brother Seymour, whom Zooey thinks Franny is more interested in getting in touch with than Jesus.
(+) Free of errors: Zooey challenges Franny’s obsession with Jesus by arguing that she is actually unconsciously combining Jesus with her deceased and deeply-missed brother Seymour.
Bad Sentence 7(errors: AS/PV/Nounif ): The main idea that Zooey attempts to pass down to Franny is lacking in compassion and should thus love all people, including the audiences Franny hates so much because she feels many of them are not very intelligent beings, because she is too overly-critical and spiteful towards the people she dislikes.
(+) Free of errors: Zooey teaches Franny that she should love all humans even if she does not personally like them.
Bad Sentence 8(errors:AS/PV): Luck and fate are major reasons for Jacob Jankowski ending on the circus, since he would have been thrown off the circus’s train by Uncle Al, the owner of the circus, had he not been a trained veterinarian.
(+) Free of errors: Jacob Jankowski is lucky that he was a trained veterinarian, otherwise Uncle Al, the owner of the circus, would have throw Jacob off the train.
Bad Sentence 9(errors: AS/PV ): The inability to foresee future problems impulsiveness may cause is a flaw possessed by Jacob Jankowski, and this flaw is made apparent when he runs away from college to join a circus after he learns that a car accident killed his parents even though he was very close to obtaining a degree.
(+) Free of errors: Jacob acts impulsively and does not think about how his actions will affect him; for instance, he runs away from college to join a circus despite being less than a semester away from a degree right after he learns that his parents died in a car accident.
Bad Sentence 10(errors: PV/AS): The physical and emotional abuse August subjected his wife Marlena to miraculously did not cause Marlena to lose her compassionate nature, and so the circus horses she loved so much were continued to be treated with kindness by Marlena.
(+) Free of errors: In spite of August’s abuse, Marlena remained kind-hearted and compassionate, particularly towards the circus horses she loved so much.
Eviola5903 Honors English 10 Summer writing skills assignment #1
Based on Kite Runner by K. Hosseini
Bad sentence 1. (errors: AS/WV)
-Picking out books to read this summer was difficult, since there were too many to choose from.
+ Free of errors: I felt conflicted choosing which books to read, since several were suggested.
Bad sentence 2. (errors: AS/WV)
-Reading Kite Runner is not a good idea for me after I get home from my summer sounds job.
+ Free of errors: When I get home from Summer Sounds, I am too tired to read Kite Runner, as reading makes me doze off.
Bad sentence 3. (errors: AS/WV)
-To my surprise the Kite Runner happened to be in my backpack which was nice to have, during my break time.
+ Free of errors: When I opened my backpack during break, I happily noticed a packed donut and Kite Runner, both an unexpected surprise.
Bad sentence 4. (errors: AS/WV)
-Telling the story of Kite Runner is a boy named Amir.
+ Free of errors: Amir, the protagonist, narrates the Kite Runner.
Bad sentence 5. (errors: AS/WV)
-It is really sad when we learn Amir’s mother died while he was being born.
+ Free of errors: Amir reveals that his mother died while giving birth to him.
Bad sentence 6. (errors: AS/WV)
-Building a new orphanage is something exciting for Baba and Amir.
+ Free of errors: Amir speaks proudly of Baba’s efforts to design and build a new orphanage.
Bad sentence 7. (errors: AS/WV)
-Not seeming manly enough to Baba, Amir is rejected by his father’s actions.
+ Free of errors: Baba seems critical of Amir, and often rejects him for not being “manly enough.”
Bad sentence 8. (errors: AS/WV)
-The actions of the characters are confusing to each other.
+ Free of errors: Amir attempts to understand his complicated father.
Bad sentence 9. (errors: AS/WV)
-Flying a kite is tricky in that you need to control the kite getting up in the air and let go of the string.
+ Free of errors: When flying a kite, one person should manage the kite while the other assists in feeding the string.
Bad sentence 10. (errors: AS/WV)
-If Amir is going to be a good friend to Hassan, he needs to show loyalty as a friend.
+ Free of errors: Amir learns that being a true friend to Hassan includes loyalty.
Summer Writing Skills Assignment #1: Based on Bossypants by Tina Fey and Unbearable Lightness by Portia de Rossi
Bad Sentence 1.(errors: as/wv/n/pv ): Those who do improvisation have a challenge to deal with when they are in front of an audience that is watching them and posses a desire to be entertained.
(+) Free of errors: Tina Fey works hard to impress and amuse the audience when she improvises.
Bad Sentence 2.(errors: pv/as/wv): Food is not eaten very often when it is consumed by the ones who have the disease which is called anorexia.
(+) Free of errors: Anorexics rarely eat.
Bad Sentence 3.(errors: pv/wv/n ): Tina Fey gives praise to a man named Alec Baldwin who has humor and talent and makes the show they are both on together a better show than it would be if he was not on the show.
(+) Free of errors: Tina Fey praises the talented and hilarious Alec Baldwin for improving their show.
Bad Sentence 4.(errors: wv/pv/n ): Portia de Rossi had a lot of worry over the matter of the fact that she considered herself to be someone who is homosexual and that probably soon someone would be the person to find out in the near future.
(+) Free of errors: Portia de Rossi worried about the imminent public revelation of her sexual orientation.
Bad Sentence 5.(errors: pv/wv/as/n ): Stress is hard to deal with and people who have a family to take care of and a busy job are ones who would more often have it as an experience.
(+) Free of errors: Tina Fey coped with stress when she cared for her family while maintaining a career.
Bad Sentence 6.(errors: pv/as/wv ): Shampoo was the product in the commercial in which Portia was selling when she had a desire for change when producers were upset with her figure which was a size eight.
(+) Free of errors: When shampoo commercial producers expressed disdain with Portia’s size eight figure, she reconsidered her career choice.
Bad Sentence 7.(errors: wv/pv/n ): Amy Poehler made the demand that requested the existence of better parts for the women who were in the improvisation troupe that was a part of the company that was called Second City.
(+) Free of errors: Amy Poehler demanded that women perform more crucial roles in Second City scenes.
Bad Sentence 8.(errors: pv/wv/as/n ): An important part of the life of Portia was the woman who is named Ellen DeGeneres, who is Portia’s wife and who was the person that made the inspiration for Portia to come out.
(+) Free of errors: Portia’s beloved wife, Ellen DeGeneres, inspired Portia to come out.
Bad Sentence 9.(errors: as/wv/n/pv ): Teasing was done by Tina Fey when she wrote about herself when she was a younger person than she was when she was writing about the time she was teasing about in her book.
(+) Free of errors: Tina Fey made fun of her younger self in her book.
Bad Sentence 10.(errors: as/wv/pv ): Hate caused Portia to be fearful of coming out as who she truly was.
(+) Free of errors: Portia delayed her coming out due to fears of receiving hatred for it.
Bad Sentence 1 (errors: 2): The package for Clay Jensen (pv) had been (wv) picked up.
(+) Free of errors: Clay Jensen picked up his package today.
Bad Sentence 2 (errors: 2): Love was in the air (as) at the party that was thrown by Kat (pv).
(+) Free of errors: Kat threw a party and fell in love.
Bad Sentence 3 (errors: 2): A girls phone number was given to Zach (pv) and he felt a friendship begin to blossom (as).
(+) Free of errors: Zach received Hannah’s phone number.
Bad Sentence 4 (errors: 2): The fight was started (wv) by Tony’s dad because of his curfew.
(+) Free of errors: Tony and his dad got into an argument over his curfew.
Bad Sentence 5 (errors: 2): It was their first kiss (pv) and she always thought of it
as the day she fell in love (as).
(+) Free of errors: When Justin kissed Hannah she realized she loved him.
Bad Sentence 6 (errors: 2): The mix tape that Jack gave her, made her smile (pv) and believe in optimism (as).
(+) Free of errors: Jack gave Kelly a mix tape and it always made her smile.
Bad Sentence 7 (errors: 2): The text Courtney sent Bryce (pv) made him laugh in class and got him sent to the principals office (n).
(+) Free of errors: Courtney texted Bryce in class, he laughed and got sent to the principal’s office.
Bad Sentence 8 (errors: 2): The lunch Suzie’s mom packed (pv)left her hungry and so bought (wv) more food at the cafeteria.
(+) Free of errors: Suzie’s mom made her a light lunch and left her hungry.
Bad Sentence 9 (errors: 2): The feeling that she felt by the end of the night was that of half drunkenness and half love (as) from the tequila that was passed around by Justin (pv).
(+) Free of errors: Justin’s tequila that he served that night made Hannah queasy.
Bad Sentence 10 (errors: 2): The eighth letter, written by Hannah (pv), was about that night when love filled the September skies. (as)
(+) Free of errors: Hannah wrote the eighth letter about the night she fell in love.
Bad Sentence 1.(errors: AS/WV/PV/Nounif. ): An introduction and camaraderie is made between two boys in the beginning of a book that was written by William Golding.
(+) Free of errors: Two boys, introduced as Ralph and Piggy, become comrades in the beginning of William Golding’s Lord Of The Flies.
Bad Sentence 2.(errors: AS/WV/PV/Nounif. ): The journey of these two characters is one with which they had hoped to succeed in being able to find the other lost boys who had been traveling with them in the plane.
(+) Free of errors: Ralph and Piggy hoped to find the rest of the boys.
Bad Sentence 3.(errors: PV/Nounif. ): The rest of the boys gathered at the beach because they had been called together by Ralph and Piggy, who were able to reunite them with the use of a conch shell they had acquired.
(+) Free of errors: Ralph and Piggy reunited all the boys by blowing on a conch shell they found.
Bad Sentence 4.(errors: AS/WV ): The personality and way of being of Ralph is one that is more calm and civilized than the rest of the boys who are present in Lord Of The Flies.
(+) Free of errors: Ralph acts more calmly and civilized than the rest of the boys.
Bad Sentence 5.(errors: WV/Nounif./ ): In Lord Of The Flies, which was written by the author William Golding, has the inclusion a theme which discusses how everyone can have a beast that causes the action of living more savagely and using an animal instinct that can become visible when put into a tough and stressful situation.
(+) Free of errors: One of the themes in Lord Of The Flies explains how each person lives with a bit of savageness inside of them, which in a tough situation can cause them to rely on their natural animal instinct.
Bad Sentence 6.(errors: AS/PV/WV ): Killing the pig was something Jack was unable to do and which had caused him to feel angry and a little ashamed of his hesitation.
(+) Free of errors: Jack felt upset over his hesitation to kill the pig.
Bad Sentence 7.(errors: AS/WV/Nounif. ): The symbolism of the conch shell to the boys was a representation of the hope that they could keep the civilization, and work together to live on the island.
(+) Free of errors: The conch shell symbolizes the boys’ hope in remaining civilized and working together to succeed in living on the island.
Bad Sentence 8.(errors: Nounif./PV ): A parachutist exerted the act of falling from the firmament and had become caught in rocks and the twins saw him and believed him to be the horrid “beastie” from the “littluns” nightmare.
(+) Free of errors: The twins thought they found the “beastie,” but it was only a dead parachutist.
Bad Sentence 9.(errors: AS/Nounif./WV ): The desire to be the group leader took over Jack and had a contribution to his transformation from civilized to a savage and bloodthirsty.
(+) Free of errors: Jack’s need to lead the group contributed to his transformation into a savage and bloodthirsty boy.
Bad Sentence 10.(errors: PV/WV/Nounif. ): The boys were finally rescued from the island because they had lit the forest on fire while trying to succeed in the act of bringing death to their fellow schoolmate.
(+) Free of errors: The sailors of a passing ship, saw the fire Jack’s tribe lit in the forest and went to rescue the lost boys.
Honors English 10 Assignment #1 Based on Invisible Friends by Alan Ayckbourn, The Crucible by Arthur Miller, and Hamlet by William Shakespeare
Invisible Friends
Bad Sentence 1: (errors AS,N, PV, WV) The creation of Zara, the invisible friend created by Lucy is the compensation of Lucy’s loneliness and the friends that she lacks.
+: When Lucy creates Zara, her imaginary friend, she seems lonely, compensating for her lack of friends.
Bad sentence 2: (errors WV, AS, N, PV) The wishing of tragedy made by Lucy towards her family that is always apologized for is resentment from Lucy to her family, overpowered by her care for her family.
+: After Lucy wishes tragedy for her family, she apologizes for her wishes, proving that though she resents her family, she actually does care about them.
Bad sentence 3: (errors WV, N, PV) Purposely performing disobedience by the taking of Zara to dinner, Lucy is hoping that her misbehavior will get the attention of her parents so that Lucy will be noticed by them.
+: Because Lucy purposely brings Zara to dinner against her parents wishes, Lucy hopes that by misbehaving, her parents wil actually notice her.
Bad sentence 4: (errors: N, WV, AS, PV) The resentment shown by Lucy towards the family of imagination and picture perfectism is the realization that her family of realism is being missed by Lucy.
+: When Lucy starts to resent her picture perfect imaginary family, she realizes that she misses her real family.
The Crucible
Bad sentence 5: (errors: WS, AS, N, PV) Elizabeth Proctor, the wife of John Proctor, is accused of witchcraft by Abigail Williams, which is proving the jealousy from Abigail due to the fact that Elizabeth is married to the man loved by Abigail, John Proctor.
+: By accusing Elizabeth Proctor, John Proctor’s wife, of witchcraft, Abigail Williams proves that she envies Elizabeth and John’s marriage.
Bad sentence 6: (errors WV, N) As Reverend Parris performs the accusations of witchcraft based on the accusations of Abigail Williams, Reverend Parris is demonstrating trust and the disbelief that his Abigail would be lying about the accusers.
+: Because Reverend Parris accuses citizens of witchcraft based on Abigail’s accusations, he trusts Abigail, disbelieving that she could lie about the accused.
Bad sentence 7: (errors AS, N, PV, WV) Instead of playing along with Abigail’s wild stories, the confession of Mary Warren in front of the court showed the false accusations made my Mary about the women thought to be witches is proving the trust Mary demonstrated with her instincts.
+: When Mary Warren confesses in front of the court to falsely accusing women of witchcraft, she trusts her own instincts rather that playing along with Abigail’s wild stories.
Hamlet
Bad sentence 8: (errors AS, N, PV, WV) The agreement made by Hamlet to free the spirit of his dead father is proving that Hamlet is caring towards his father, even after the death of his father.
+: By agreeing to help free his dead father’s spirit, Hamlet proves he cares about his father, even after his death.
Bad sentence 9: (errors WV, PV) Hamlet is loved by Ophelia, but by taking the advice given by her father to keep separation between her and Hamlet, Ophelia is putting her wishes below those of her father.
+: Even though Ophelia loves Hamlet, she takes her father’s advice to stay away from Hamlet, putting her personal wishes below her father’s.
Bad sentence 10: (errors WV, AS, N) After the death of her husband, Queen Gertrude is quick in the marriage of her previous brother in law, the heir of the throne, allowing the need to remain the Queen of Denmark overrule the death of her husband.
+: After her husband dies, Queen Gertrude quickly remarries to her brother in law, heir to the throne, proving she cares more for maintain her title as Queen of Denmark than her husband’s death.
Inactive Sentence Summer Assignment based on The World According to Garp by John Irving
Bad Sentence 1.(errors: WV, N ): Lust in men is the main object of Jenny Fields’ focus as she is trying to obtain understanding of it, which brings humiliation to her son.
(+) Free of errors: Jenny Fields’ determination to understand male lust embarrasses her son.
Bad Sentence 2. (errors: PV, N ): The stabbing of a man who is making advances to her by Jenny Fields is an example of her not tolerating men.
(+) Free of errors: When Jenny Fields stabs a man who tries to caress her, she shows her intolerance for men.
Bad Sentence 3. (errors: AS, PV, N ): Revenge is finally imposed on Bonkers by Garp for when he was responsible for the biting off of Garp’s ear.
(+) Free of errors: Garp finally gets revenge on Bonkers who bit off Garp’s ear in his childhood.
Bad Sentence 4.(errors: AS, PV, WV ): Love is proven for Helen by Garp when he chooses that he wants to be a “real”writer.
(+) Free of errors: Garp proves his love for Helen when he decides to become a “real” writer.
Bad Sentence 5.(errors: WV, N ): Garp wants to be a protector for his mother against the people whose views he thinks of as overly radical that she will be meeting because of her growing famousness.
(+) Free of errors: Garp wants to protect his mother from the radical feminists she encounters
with her fame.
Bad Sentence 6.(errors: AS, N ): The death of Walt causes the compensation of his parents with the choice of having another child.
(+) Free of errors: When Walt dies, his parents compensate by deciding to have another child.
Bad Sentence 7.(errors: N, AS ): Attendance to the funeral is prohibited to Garp as a result of the planning of the funeral by his mother’s feminist group friends.
(+) Free of errors: Garp is banned from his Mother’s funeral because the plans were made by feminist groups who decided to keep it exclusive to women.
Bad Sentence 8.(errors: AS, WV, N ): Thanks to the forcing of Garp by Roberta to use Jenny’s estate for helping women in need, the legacy of Jenny’s assisting of women keeps going after she dies.
(+) Free of errors: Roberta forces Garp to use his Mother’s estate to help women in need, thus continuing her legacy.
Bad Sentence 9.(errors: AS, PV ): Validation of what Garp believes is achieved when he helps Ellen James make her book, whose topic is the Ellen Jameasians, public.
(+) Free of errors: Garp helps Ellen James publish her book to publicly validate his opinions of the Ellen Jamesians.
Bad Sentence 10.(errors: AS, PV, N ): The death of Garp occurs at Steering when Pooh Percy shoots him, therefore the ending of his life occurs at the same place his life was started.
(+) Free of errors: Pooh Percy shoots Garp when he is at Steering, so his life ends where it begun.
Student: QMartin 5830
Art of War Summer Writing Skills Assignment
Bad Sentence 1(PV/N/AS/WV): What the Author of the Art of War says is that the thirteen-step process is essential, in order to conquer an opponent without failure.
The author says
+: In the Art of War, Sun Tzu writes thirteen steps to successfully defeat an enemy.
Bad Sentence 2(AS/PV/N): The calculation of victory is based on: the time of year in that region, as well as the physical features of the place the fight will take place on, says Sun Tzu's demonstration.
+: Sun Tzu demonstrates how to calculate victory, through the seasons and the battlefield's terrain.
Bad Sentence 3(PV/WV/AS): The strategies from the Art of War often are used by people in their everyday challenges.
+: Readers often apply strategies from the Art of War to help with everyday challenges.
Bad Sentence 4(AS/WV): According to Sun Tzu, they need to be their enemy to defeat them in a battle.
+: According to Sun Tzu, a successful general must become his/her enemy in order to win a battle.
Bad Sentence 5(WV/N): Warfare is a mental battle that is executed in the physical plane for a tangible result, as told in the Art of War.
+: In the Art of War, warfare describes a mental battle that is executed through fighting physically for an obtainable result.
Bad Sentence 6(PV/WV/N): Sun Tzu is using his theory that explains attacking an enemies' strategy head on is the supreme importance of war.
+: Sun Tzu theorizes that the supreme importance of war consists of attacking the enemies' strategy head on.
Bad Sentence 7(AS/WV/N): Sun Tzu sees the highest form of warfare is avoiding it by deception and psychological ploys that result in the enemy becoming your friend.
+: Sun Tzu identifies that the highest form of warfare consists of avoiding war through deception and mind tricks, which cause the enemy to become your friend.
Bad Sentence 8(N/AS/PV): He is writing that those who respond to situations in their life that are competitive, by pursuing in battling, are doomed to lose.
+: Sun Tzu writes that people who naturally react to competitive situations by wanting to engage in battles are doomed to defeat.
Bad Sentence 9(AS/N): You can't succeed in any endeavor of the battle unless there is a commonly shared philosophy that gives a greater meaning; this is the greatest lesson the Art of War has to teach.
+: One of the greatest teachings of the Art of War is that neither opponent succeeds in the battle, unless there‘s a common philosophy between yourself and the enemy.
Bad Sentence 10(WV/PV): The strategies and philosophies of Sun Tzu’s Art of War have been used by great leaders such as Mao Zedong and Napoleon.
+: Great leaders such as Mao Zedong and Napoleon studied the strategies and philosophies of Sun Tzu’s Art of War.
(-) Bad Sentence 1. When O’Brien betrays Winston, by pretending that he is a member of Goldstein’s party, the underground, he misrepresents to Winston that his allegiance is to Goldstein instead of Big Brother. (Errors: as/wv/n):
(+) Free of errors: O’Brien betrays Winston when he pretends to be a member of Goldstein’s party, when his allegiance is really to Big Brother.
(-) Bad Sentence 2. Julia fell in love with Winston, and her love for him leads her to follow him when he joined Goldstein’s party and to fight against Big Brother. (Errors: as):
(+) Free of errors: Julia’s love for Winston leads her to join Goldstein’s party in order to fight against Big Brother.
(-) Bad Sentence 3.Winston hates Big Brother for trying to control him, even when O’Brien torchers him into loving Big Brother because O’Brien believes Big Brother controls reality, and Winston is part of reality. (as/wv/n/pv):
(+) Free of errors: O’Brien torchers Winston in order to get Winston to love Big Brother, but in the end Winston hates Big Brother even more.
(-) Bad Sentence 4. Julia decides that she can make all of her pain go away by betraying Winston when she is being tortured in “room 101.”(wv/n):
(+) Free of errors: Julia betrays Winston after being tortured by O’Brien.
(-) Bad Sentence 5. Winston begins to doubt all of the facts that Big Brother produces about his and others lives, so he is forced to “doublethink.” (as/n/pv):
(+) Free of errors: Winston begins to “doublethink” when he starts to doubt Big Brother’s intentions.
(-) Bad Sentence 6. Winston is falling deeply in love with Julia as the devastation O’Brien is plotting unravels before them both. (as/wv/n/pv):
(+) Free of errors: As Winston falls in love with Julia, O’Brien plots devastation for them both.
(-) Bad Sentence 7. Winston takes to drinking Victory Gin to numb the pain and to keep from double thinking after O’Brien torches him. (Errors: as/wv/pv):
(+) Free of errors: After being mercilessly tortured by O’Brien, Winston begins to drink Victory Gin to keep himself from double thinking.
(-) Bad Sentence 8. Julia risks being caught by the thought police, in order to slip Winston a note, confessing her love for him. (Errors: as/wv/):
(+) Free of errors: In defiance of Big Brother, Julia secretly slips Winston a note confessing her love for him.
(-) Bad Sentence 9.Big Brother tries to control people’s thoughts through the use of psychological manipulation that includes giant telescreens, which constantly stream propaganda trying to make the shortcomings and failures of The Party, appear to be successes and benefits. (Errors: as/wv/n/pv):
(+) Free of errors: Through the use of psychological manipulation and propaganda, The Party attempts to convince its citizens that its failures are actually successes.
(-) Bad Sentence 10.The party wants to destroy the family structure by enrolling the children as Junior Spys and having them spy on their parents and report any disloyalty to the party. (Errors: as/wv/n/pv):
(+) Free of errors: The Party enrolls the children in a junior spy program which is designed to brainwash them and requires them to report their parent’s disloyalty.
Honors English 10 Summer writing skills assignment #1
Based on Kite Runner by K. Hosseini
1. Bad Sentence: Amir has the possession of memories and has the knowledge of all of Hassan’s every action implying that Amir is obviously a long time friend of Hassan’s. (wv, n)
Free of errors: Amir possesses memories and knows all of Hassan’s actions implying that Amir must have had a bond with him since infancy. (Corrected)
2. Bad Sentence: Hassan is smiling when Amir’s kite wins the race suggesting that Hassan’s happiness for Amir. (wv, n)
Free of errors: Hassan’s glowing smile when Amir’s kite won the race, suggest that Hassan feels happy for Amir. (C)
3. Bad Sentence: Hassan’s severe attack is because he refused to be the one to give up Amir’s kite therefore proving that deep respect and loyalty exist for Amir. (wv, n)
Free of errors: When Hassan refused to give up Amir’s winning kite resulting in him being severely attacked, he proved the deep respect and loyalty he had for Amir. (C)
4. Bad Sentence: Amir is a coward for watching what happened Hassan from far away showing that he has no loyalty for him. (wv, as)
Free of errors: Amir cowardly watched from afar Hassan being attacked, proving his true feelings of having no loyalty to Hassan.
5. Bad Sentence: Amir’s lie about Hassan to his father and to Hassan’s father causes Amir to be fearful to relation to Hassan’s attackers. (n, as)
Free of errors: Amir lied to his and Hassan’s father about Hassan’s attackers, implying Amir’s fear of retaliation from Hassan’s attackers.
6. Bad Sentence: Amir is unable to face Hassan because he is suffocated by the guilt of his actions. (ws)
Free of errors: Amir finds facing Hassan very difficult hinting that his actions haunt him.
7. Bad Sentence: When Amir dwells on his overhearing of his father’s conversation he is compelled to snap at Hassan.
Free of errors: When Amir hears of his father’s fondness towards Hassan, so he snaps at Hassan the next morning out of anger.
8. Bad Sentence: Amir kicked Hassan out implying that he could not bear to live with the guilt of his lie. (PV)
Free of errors: The eviction of Hassan is proof Amir’s guilt for lying.
9. Bad Sentence: Amir was frustrated and defiant when Hassan and his father departed leaving Amir’s father with no other conclusion then that his son, Amir, had kept a secret about what had happened to Hassan. (ws)
Free of errors: After Hassan and his father left and Amir’s father knew that Amir kept a secret behind what had happened because Amir became frustrated and defiant.
10. Bad Sentence: Even as an adult Amir still thought about Hassan and what had happened, proving that his guilt had followed him all this way. (pv)
Free of errors: As an adult, Amir’s memories of his betrayal of Hassan still haunted him, proving that he still feels guilt over his actions.
Bad Sentence 1. a young boy who lives with his aunt and uncle, is being treated badly.
(errors: ? ): AS, WV
(+) Free of errors: Harry Potter lives with his aunt and uncle, who treat him badly.
Bad Sentence 2. the objects containing the soul of Voldemort were destroyed by Harry
(errors: ? ):AS, passive voice
(+) Free of errors: Harry destroyed Voldemort's horcruxes.
Bad Sentence 3. The mice all died, having been squeezed to death by Lennie's hands.
(errors: ? ): passive voice, WV
(+) Free of errors: Lennie killed the mice by squeezing them too hard.
Bad Sentence 4. The big emotion of sad and loneliness being too strong for Holden to bare, made him see no good in anything
(errors: ? ): AS, WS
(+) Free of errors: Holden's overwhelming depression made him think there's no good in anything.
Bad Sentence 5. The beautiful circus girl was being loved by Jacob
(errors: ? ): passive voice, AS, WV
(+) Free of errors: Jacob loved Marlena.
Bad Sentence 6. the final test at the end of the year determining whether or not one will get a job as a veterinarian was being taken by Jacob
(errors: ? ): Passive voice, AS
(+) Free of errors: Jacob took the final exam for veterinary school.
Bad Sentence 7. the boy and the girl are in London
(errors: ? ):WV, AS
(+) Free of errors: Ron and Hermione live in London
Bad Sentence 8. the traveling company of acrobats and trained animals is making Jacob feel really happy for once.
(errors: ? ): AS, WV
(+) Free of errors: The circus makes Jacob feel happy, for once.
Bad Sentence 9. The elephant was brutally attacked by August
(errors: ? ): passive voice, WV
(+) Free of errors: August brutally attacked the elephant
Bad Sentence 10. They had much confusion when they learned Snape was on their side.
(errors: ? ): Nounif. WV
(+) Free of errors: They felt very confused when they learned Snape sided with them.
Based on Impossible by Nancy Werlin and The Lucky One by Nicolas Sparks
Bad Sentence 1 (AS/WV/NOUNIF): It is really depressing when the reader learns that Lucy’s family has been cursed for a long time.
(+) Free of errors: Lucy discovers that her family is under a curse through the generations.
Bad Sentence 2 (PV/WV/AS): If the curse were to be removed, the girl in the story would try to get her life on track again.
(+) Free of errors: If the Elfin Knight removed the curse, Lucy’s life would be on track.
Bad Sentence 3 (WV/NOUNIF): The evil look he gave her was a sign of a negative occurrence.
(+) Free of errors: When the Elfin Knight glared at Lucy, she perceived danger.
Bad Sentence 4 (AS/WV): The two characters are always fighting and they need to solve it.
(+) Free of errors: To rebuild their friendship, Zach is learning to trust Lucy again.
Bad Sentence 5 (PV/NOUNIF/WV): Characters being drawn into arguments and danger is the main reason why this book was good.
(+) Free of errors: All the complicated situations brought about an exciting plot.
Bad Sentence 6 (WV/NOUNIF/AS): Her friend is the one who is brave and tries to protect Lucy, and this is surprising going on and on.
(+) Free of errors: Zach’s strength amazes Lucy more each day.
Bad Sentence 7 (AS/WV): Getting closer to the end was exciting because she wanted the curse to end.
(+) Free of errors: Lucy felt excited for the curse to end.
Bad Sentence 8 (AS/WV/NOUNIF): It is hard for a family to deal with serious issues when they already have a lot of complicated events to take care of.
(+) Free of errors: Lucy’s family must deal with stress from several diverse causes.
Bad Sentence 9 (NOUNIF/PV/WV/AS): Toward the end, the main character is being supported by everyone, and the fact that they succeed in this is a thing that makes the conclusion of the novel.
(+) Free of errors: The end of the book celebrates the supportive atmosphere of the family and friends.
Bad Sentence 10 (PV/WV/NOUNIF): Friends being made in our everyday lives is a very important activity that can bring about a good life.
(+) Free of errors: The purpose of friends is to improve the lives of both.
Due: July 15, 2011
1. Bad Sentence: By using process of elimination, Christopher Boone tries to find the answer for a problem. (PV/ WV/ AS)
(+) Free of errors: When Christopher Boone is faced with a trouble, he tries to the obtain the answer by eliminating possible solutions.
2. Bad Sentence: The fact that animals on farm were brought into the world as slaves was stated by Old Major during one of his lectures. (AS/ WV/ PV/ N)
(+) Free of errors: During his lecture, Old Major states that the animals on the farm are treated as slaves by humans.
3. Bad Sentence: The one who is speaking in first person in this book, is a young boy who has autism named Christopher Boone. (N/ PV/ WV)
(+) Free of errors: Christopher Boone is a young boy with autism, who narrates “the curious incident of the dog in the night-time”.
4. Bad Sentence: For a young boy with autism, it is hard knowing the meaning of some statements said by others, because he takes everything to the most literal sense possible.
(PV/ N/ WV)
(+) Free of errors: It is difficult for a young boy with autism to understand some statements said by others, when taking everything literally.
5. Bad Sentence: One of the girls she had past, went to the mental hospital from being lit on fire by her own doing. (PV/AS/ N)
(+) Free of errors: She had past one girl who was sent to the mental hospital for lighting herself on fire.
6. Bad Sentence: She was eighteen, when she was brought to the hospital, where she was surrounded by the disturbance of the air in the rooms. (PV/ AS/ N)
(+) Free of errors: She was surrounded by the disturbance of other people in the rooms, when she was brought to a mental hospital at eighteen.
7. Bad Sentence: When she talks about the girl who burned herself, she describes her as having a strong dedication for dying. (PV/ WV/ AS/ N)
(+) Free of errors: She describes the girl that burned herself as being strong for committing suicide.
8. Bad Sentence: When dwarves were not invited to Bilbo Baggins’ house, it began worrying him when they kept coming inside his house. (WV/ PV)
(+) Free of errors: Bilbo became worried when he realized that dwarves were entering his home uninvited.
9. Bad Sentence: By being the most intelligent animals in the farm, the pigs take control of the planning and government of the farm. (PV/ WV)
(+) Free of errors: The pigs obtain control of the government of the farm, from being the most intelligent in the group.
10. Bad Sentence: By wiping out Napoleon’s enemies and making it sure to everyone that he is the leader, it helps him secure his name in power. (PV/ WV)
(+) Free of errors: Napoleon consolidates his power by eliminating his enemies and reinforcing his status as supreme leader.
Honors English 10 Summer writing skills assignment #1 based on the Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay, by Michael Chabon.
Bad Sentence 1.(errors: as/wv/n/pv): Originally, the majority of the illustrations for the Escapist were creations made by Joe.
(+) Free of errors: Originally, Joe created most of the illustrations for the Escapist.
Bad Sentence 2.(errors: as/wv/pv): The journey to America with the Golem is the greatest escape ever made by Joe.
(+) Free of errors: Joes’s journey to America with the Golem was the greatest escape he ever made.
Bad Sentence 3.(errors: n/wv): Joe makes a compromise of his morals because he is desperately in need of money when he creates a drawing of Rosa for Julie.
(+) Free of errors: Joe compromises his by drawing Rosa for Julie because he desperately needs the money Julie offers him.
Bad Sentence 4.(errors: n): The superhero the Escapist was a creation made for the purpose of giving the Jewish people hope.
(+) Free of errors: The Escapist was created to give the Jewish people hope.
Bad Sentence 5.(errors: pv/n): The reason Sammy marries Rosa is that Sammy is having a struggle coming to terms with his sexuality.
(+) Free of errors: Sammy marries Rosa because he is struggling to accept his sexuality.
Bad Sentence 6.(errors: wv/pv/n): The Golem was drawn by Joe when Sheldon Anapol asked him to draw a superhero on the spot because Joe, being unfamiliar with the world of comic books, decided to make a drawing of his own hero.
(+) Free of errors: When he was introduced to Sheldon Anapol at Empire Comics and asked to draw a superhero on the spot, Joe draws the Golem because he considers the Golem his own hero.
Bad Sentence 7.(errors: as/n): The many regrets Joe feels at being unable to save the Nazi he finds in Antarctica, the only man he ever killed, he feels despite having originally joined the Navy so that he could kill Nazis in order to avenge his brother’s death.
(+) Free of errors: Joe feels deep regret at being unable to save the Nazi he finds in Antarctica, the only man he ever killed, despite having originally joined the Navy so that he could kill Nazis in order to avenge his brother’s death.
Bad Sentence 8.(errors: wv/n): Sammy sees Joe as an idol when he first arrives in New York, he thinks that he is going to find a better life because of the success the two will have together.
(+) Free of errors: When Joe first arrives in New York, Sammy idolizes Joe because he thinks that Joe will help lead him to a better life.
Bad Sentence 9.(errors: n/as/pv): Sammy decides not to go to Hollywood with Tracy for the reason that after the police break in on Sammy and Tracy’s vacation with several other gay couples, Sammy is no longer able to cope with having people judge him for his sexuality.
(+) Free of errors: After the police break in on Sammy and Tracy’s vacation with several other gay couples, Sammy can no longer cope with being judged for his sexuality and thus decides not to go to Hollywood with Tracy.
Bad Sentence 10.(errors: pv/n): The comic book character Luna Moth was a creation of Joe’s that was inspired by his girlfriend, Rosa Saks.
(+) Free of errors: Joe’s comic book character Luna Moth was inspired by his girlfriend, Rosa Saks.
Harry Potter books 3 and 5 by J.K Rowling, Be More Chill and It’s Kind of a Funny Story by Ned Vizzini, Maximum Ride: The Angel Experiment by James Patterson, The Hate List by Jennifer Brown, Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson
1. (Bad) Eccentric behavior and appearance are not very well accepted by the students of Hogwarts, so Luna is oppressed by them.
(Good) Hogwarts students oppress Luna because of her eccentric behavior and appearance.
2. (Bad) Perfect students are expected at Craig’s school, so he is stressed out by the pressure to be as thus.
(Good) School stresses Craig since it pressures him to be a perfect student.
3. (Bad) Valerie’s boyfriend’s death makes her fear going back to school, which is overcome by getting help from her therapist.
(Good) Valerie’s therapist encourages her to overcome her fear by going back to school after her boyfriend’s death.
4. (Bad) Popularity is hard to accomplish for Jeremy, so the Squip is enlisted by him to help him be “cooler.”
(Good) The Squip guides Jeremy into being “cooler” so he can be popular.
5. (Bad) Hagrid and Buckbeak are insulted by Malfoy, so he is punched by Hermione.
(Good) Hermione punched Malfoy after he insulted Hagrid and Buckbeak.
6. (Bad) Problems experienced by Craig that make his full potential hard to realize are addressed directly with help from Bobby.
(Good) Bobby helps Craig address his problems directly so he can realize his full potential.
7. (Bad) Valerie is blamed for the death of some students’ friends because she was the girlfriend of Nick.
(Good) The students blame Valerie for their friends’ death because she was Nick’s girlfriend.
8. (Bad) Family is something that Max has never had so the flock is fought for because they are the closest thing she has.
(Good) Max fights to save her flock as they are the closest thing she has ever had to a family.
9. (Bad) The first year of high school is a struggle for Matilda’s parents as they try to help their daughter who is maladjusted.
(Good) Matilda’s parents struggle to help their maladjusted daughter through her first year of high school.
10. (Bad) Her “school slut” label is hard overcome for Deanna, but she gets help from her friends Jason and Lee.
(Good) Jason and Lee help Deanna overcome her “school slut” label.
Code 5874 ........
Honors English 10 Summer writing skills assignment #1
Based on Kite Runner by K. Hosseini (redo)
1. Bad Sentence: Amir has the possession of memories and has the knowledge of all of Hassan’s every action implying that Amir is obviously a long time friend of Hassan’s. (wv, n)
Free of errors: Amir remembers and knows all of Hassan’s actions implying that Amir must have grown up with Hassan since infancy.
2. Bad Sentence: Hassan is smiling when Amir’s kite wins the race suggesting that Hassan’s happiness for Amir. (wv, n)
Free of errors: Hassan smiles when Amir’s kite wins the race, suggesting that Hassan feels happy for Amir.
3. Bad Sentence: Hassan’s severe attack is because he refused to be the one to give up Amir’s kite therefore proving that deep respect and loyalty exist for Amir. (wv, n)
Free of errors: When Assef attacks Hassan for not giving up the kite, Hassan proves his loyalty for Amir.
4. Bad Sentence: Amir is a coward for watching what happened Hassan from far away showing that he has no loyalty for him. (wv, as)
Free of errors: Amir cowardly watches Assef attack Hassan, showing his true devotion to loyal Hassan.
5. Bad Sentence: Amir’s lie about Hassan to his father and to Hassan’s father causes Amir to be fearful to retaliation to Hassan’s attackers. (n, as)
Free of errors: Amir lies to both his and Hassan’s father about Assef attacking Hassan, implying that Amir fears retaliating against Assef.
6. Bad Sentence: Amir is unable to face Hassan because he is suffocated by the guilt of his actions. (ws)
Free of errors: Amir finds facing Hassan very difficult hinting that the guilt he still holds on to.
7. Bad Sentence: When Amir dwells on his overhearing of his father’s conversation he is compelled to snap at Hassan. (as,nonf)
Free of errors: when Amir snaps at Hassan after overhearing of his father’s fondness toward Hassan, he implies that he feels jealousy toward Hassan.
8. Bad Sentence: Amir kicked Hassan out implying that he could not bear to live with the guilt of his lie. (PV,)
Free of errors: Amir kicking Hassan out, suggest that Amir burdens an unbearable guilt for lying.
9. Bad Sentence: Amir was frustrated and defiant when Hassan and his father departed leaving Amir’s father with no other conclusion then that his son, Amir, had something that he was hiding about what had happened to Hassan. (ws,wv,pv)
Free of errors: as a result of Amir becoming defiant and frustrated after Hassan departs, Amir’s father suspects that Amir lied to him about something.
10. Bad Sentence: Even as an adult Amir still thought about Hassan and what had happened, proving that his feeling guilt had followed him all this way. (pv,nonf)
Free of errors: as an adult Amir remembers how he betrayed Hassan, proving that he still feels guilt.
Redo...
Based on 13 Reason’s Why
Bad Sentence 1: The suicidal thoughts of the girl were a challenge to her life by making her kill herself. (errors: n/as/wv)
(+) Free of errors: Hannah’s suicidal thoughts challenged her life.
Bad Sentence 2: Twisted audiotapes of reasons she wanted to kill herself were made by Hannah. (errors: pv/wv)
(+) Free of errors: Hannah created twisted audiotapes of the reasons she killed herself.
Bad Sentence 3: The tapes that Jack is listening to are frightening. (errors: as/wv)
(+) Free of errors: The depressing tapes frighten jack.
Bad Sentence 4: When guilt is used by his mother, she is trying to make him do something unappealing. (errors: pv/as/wv)
(+) Free of errors: His mother uses guilt to force him into doing something unappealing.
Bad Sentence 5: The mixed emotions of the boy are making him become more intrigued in finding out why Hannah killed herself as the sick tapes roll on. (errors: as/wv)
(+) Free of errors: As the tapes roll on, Jack becomes more intrigued in Hannah’s death.
Bad Sentence 6: Jack is led to scenes where Hannah suffered “traumatic” experiences by the confessions. (errors: pv/wv)
(+) Free of errors: Jack allowed the confessions to lead him to the scenes of Hannah’s traumatic experiences.
Bad Sentence 7: The frustration of not knowing why he was on the tapes was tearing Jack apart. (errors: as/pv/wv)
(+) Free of errors: Jack was frustrated with not knowing how he related to Hannah’s death.
Bad Sentence 8: Sending out those tapes after she killed herself was a horrible way for her to leave your mark on the people she knew. (errors: as/wv)
(+) Free of errors: By sending out the tapes, Hannah left a bad mark on the community.
Bad Sentence 9: The death of Hannah was only driven by her want for revenge. (errors: as/wv)
(+) Free of errors: Hannah’s suicide seemed to be driven only by her want for revenge.
Bad Sentence 10: The relief that Jack feels after knowing he was the less significant of reasons Hannah killed herself helped him get over her death. (errors: as/pv)
(+) Free of errors: Jack finds relief when he finds out that he was not the main reason Hannah killed herself.
Bad Sentence 1.(errors: AS, WV ? ): a boy with magic powers is being mistreated by his aunt and uncle giving him no food when he misbehaves, so he tries hard not to misbehave
(+) Free of errors: Harry Potter's aunt and uncle mistreat him by not giving him food when he misbehaves, so he always tries to stay on his best behavior.
Bad Sentence 2.(errors: AS, WV ? ): The incidents where Lennie kills mice easily are foreshadowing when Lennie kills the puppy because it shows that he can easily kill things.
(+) Free of errors: Lennie killing mice foreshadows him killing the puppy by making it clear he can kill small animals easily.
Bad Sentence 3.(errors: Nounif. AS WV ? ):The people who do a lot of labor on the farm think Curley's wife is a "tart", having the belief that she is married only to get money.
(+) Free of errors: The farmers believe that Curley's wife's a "tart," believing that she married Curley for his money.
Bad Sentence 4.(errors: PV, WV ? ): The gun was taken by George, leading everyone to believe Lennie took it when he ran away.
(+) Free of errors: George took the gun, making everyone think Lennie took it when he ran away.
Bad Sentence 5.(errors: PV, WV, AS ? ):Mr. Antolini was having his hand on the main character's head, making the main character feel uncomfortable, then leading the main character to run away from the awkward situation like he always does.
(+) Free of errors: Mr. Antolini strokes Holden's head, making Holden feel very uncomfortable, leading him to run away from yet another uncomfortable situation.
Bad Sentence 6.(errors: AS, WV ? ): The sharp piece of medal that belongs to Gryffindor is a symbol because those only brave enough are able to use it.
(+) Free of errors: The sword symbolizes Gryffindor because those only brave enough to use it against their fear, can use it.
Bad Sentence 7.(errors: WV, Nounif. ? ): Romeo being able to abandon his friends to see Juliet, shows that he cares for her.
(+) Free of errors: Romeo abandoning his friends to see Juliet shows he cares for her.
Bad Sentence 8.(errors:PV, WV ? ): The blame was taken by Gatsby when he said that he hit and killed Myrtle, when actually Daisy did it, showing that he truly cares and loves Daisy.
(+) Free of errors: Gatsby took the blame when Daisy hit and killed Myrtle, showing that he truly loves and cares for Daisy.
Bad Sentence 9.(errors: AS, WV ? ): The jealous husband of the female main character, is seeing Gatsby stair passionately at Daisy one day, realizing that Gatsby is in love with her, and obviously gets so enraged by this.
(+) Free of errors: Tom, a very jealous husband, sees Gatsby stair passionately at Daisy one day, and gets very enraged by Gatsby's feelings.
Bad Sentence 10.(errors: WV, AS ? ): The main male character cares for Marlena by showing it when August, Marlena's husband, is hitting her and the main male character stands up to him.
(+) Free of errors: Jacob shows he cares for Marlena when August hits her and he stands up to August.
Bad Sentence 1.(errors: AS, WV ? ): a boy with magic powers is being mistreated by his aunt and uncle giving him no food when he misbehaves, so he tries hard not to misbehave
(+) Free of errors: Harry Potter's aunt and uncle mistreat him by not giving him food when he misbehaves, so he always tries to stay on his best behavior.
Bad Sentence 2.(errors: AS, WV ? ): The incidents where Lennie kills mice easily are foreshadowing when Lennie kills the puppy because it shows that he can easily kill things.
(+) Free of errors: Lennie killing mice foreshadows him killing the puppy by making it clear he can kill small animals easily.
Bad Sentence 3.(errors: Nounif. AS WV ? ):The people who do a lot of labor on the farm think Curley's wife is a "tart", having the belief that she is married only to get money.
(+) Free of errors: The farmers believe that Curley's wife's a "tart," believing that she married Curley for his money.
Bad Sentence 4.(errors: PV, WV ? ): The gun was taken by George, leading everyone to believe Lennie took it when he ran away.
(+) Free of errors: George took the gun, making everyone think Lennie took it when he ran away.
Bad Sentence 5.(errors: PV, WV, AS ? ):Mr. Antolini was having his hand on the main character's head, making the main character feel uncomfortable, then leading the main character to run away from the awkward situation like he always does.
(+) Free of errors: Mr. Antolini strokes Holden's head, making Holden feel very uncomfortable, leading him to run away from yet another uncomfortable situation.
Bad Sentence 6.(errors: AS, WV ? ): The sharp piece of medal that belongs to Gryffindor is a symbol because those only brave enough are able to use it.
(+) Free of errors: The sword symbolizes Gryffindor because those only brave enough to use it against their fear, can use it.
Bad Sentence 7.(errors: WV, Nounif. ? ): Romeo being able to abandon his friends to see Juliet, shows that he cares for her.
(+) Free of errors: Romeo abandoning his friends to see Juliet shows he cares for her.
Bad Sentence 8.(errors:PV, WV ? ): The blame was taken by Gatsby when he said that he hit and killed Myrtle, when actually Daisy did it, showing that he truly cares and loves Daisy.
(+) Free of errors: Gatsby took the blame when Daisy hit and killed Myrtle, showing that he truly loves and cares for Daisy.
Bad Sentence 9.(errors: AS, WV ? ): The jealous husband of the female main character, is seeing Gatsby stair passionately at Daisy one day, realizing that Gatsby is in love with her, and obviously gets so enraged by this.
(+) Free of errors: Tom, a very jealous husband, sees Gatsby stair passionately at Daisy one day, and gets very enraged by Gatsby's feelings.
Bad Sentence 10.(errors: WV, AS ? ): The main male character cares for Marlena by showing it when August, Marlena's husband, is hitting her and the main male character stands up to him.
(+) Free of errors: Jacob shows he cares for Marlena when August hits her and he stands up to August.
Bad Sentence 1. (AS/WV) Phrases can be used to make sentences more cohesive and understandable.
(+) Free of errors: Phrasing can be helpful in making different sentences more cohesive and understandable.
Bad Sentence 2. (PV/WV) In Dr. P’s class we use characterizing to identify different characters and their feelings.
(+) Free of errors: Using characterization in Dr. P’s class is essential for identifying different characters.
Bad Sentence 3. (AS/R) You must do correct calculations in math class.
(+) Free of errors: You must calculate all the problems correctly in math class.
Bad Sentence 4. (AS/WV) Many different creations have been made to make our world a great place.
(+) Free of errors: People create many different things to make the world an interesting place.
Bad Sentence 5. (AS/WV) In Dr. P’s class, we make different relations to events happening in the world.
(+) Free of errors: We find out that many of the topics we use in Dr. P’s class are in a relationship with other ideas.
Bad Sentence 6. (AS/WV) When someone opposes battle, the blame is always certain.
(+) Free of errors: Opposing someone’s battle is a way of finding who is guilty.
Bad Sentence 7. (AS/PV) Knowing when someone is ready to leave is very important.
(+) Free of errors: If you know someone is ready to leave, then you can go.
Bad Sentence 8. (R/WV) You use different colors when making a bracelet to make it more creative.
(+) Free of errors: By differentiating colors when making a bracelet, its more creative.
Bad Sentence 9. (AS/WV) We watched the presentation in the main hall.
(+) Free of errors: We watched the man present in the main hall.
Bad Sentence 10. (PR/R) Many different people create different pieces in museums.
(+) Free of errors: There are many different creations in museums.
Summer Writing Skills assignment 1 Joshua Olariu 5857
Bad Sentence 1. (errors: AS/N)
His anger over Azoth’s sleeping in surprised him.
(+) Free of errors: Blint’s anger after Azoth slept in surprised her.
Bad Sentence 2. (errors: AS/N)
His knives speeding though the air and hit the wall.
(+) Free of errors: Kylar’s knives sped through the air and embedded themselves in the wall.
Bad Sentence 3. (errors: AS/WV/N)
Creating poisons is a challenge for Kylar.
(+) Free of errors: Kylar finds it challenging to create poisons.
Bad Sentence 4. (errors: AS/N)
His blood was a spread of red across his chest.
(+) Free of errors: Kylar’s blood was spreading across his chest.
Bad Sentence 5. (errors: AS/WV)
He saw the link that exists between dreams and reality.
(+) Free of errors: Durzo could see where he had crossed the bridge between dreams and reality.
Bad Sentence 6. (errors: AS/PV)
He threw the knives vigorously.
(+) Free of errors: Kylar threw the knives at his target with all his strength.
Bad Sentence 7. (errors: N/PV)
Durzo’s calculations were incorrect and therefore he was hit by one of his opponent’s blows.
(+) Free of errors: Durzo miscalculated the position of his opponent’s hit and was thrown back by the force of it.
Bad Sentence 8. (errors: AS/PV)
He was always trying to get any scrap of food he could find.
(+) Free of errors: Azoth lives off of any bit of food he can find.
Bad Sentence 9. (errors: AS/N)
HE would hit Kylar if he couldn’t give a summary of the lessons that day.
(+) Free of errors: Maser Blint would hit Kylar if he couldn’t summarize the days lessons.
Bad Sentence 10. (errors: AS/WV/N)
He found that to kill innocent people who got in the way was a challenge for him.
(+) Free of errors: Kylar found that killing innocent people who got in the way was challenging.
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