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Summer assignment #1: Honors English 10 (Weak and wordy sentences)
DETAILED INSTRUCTIONS
DETAILED INSTRUCTIONS
1. Before you begin this writing assignment, carefully work through the guide, a step at a time, studying each example and explanation of the four errors which contribute to “weak and wordy sentences:”
Abstract subjects
Weak verbs
the passive voice
“nounification”
2. Write your own “worksheet,” creating 10 sentences that contain at least 2 of these errors each. Create your sentences by writing about characters, themes, events, or situations (and their significance) in books you are currently reading, preferably in “show → tell” form. Indicate which errors the sentence contains, using the abbreviations: as/wv/pv/n3. Follow each “incorrect” sentence with an improved version, free of these four errors.
Keep your document compact by single spacing it, feeling free to copy this template:
Bad Sentence 1.(errors: ? ):
(+) Free of errors:
Bad Sentence 2.(errors: ? ):
(+) Free of errors:
Bad Sentence 3.(errors: ? ):
(+) Free of errors:
Bad Sentence 4.(errors: ? ):
(+) Free of errors:
Bad Sentence 5.(errors: ? ):
(+) Free of errors:
Bad Sentence 6.(errors: ? ):
(+) Free of errors:
Bad Sentence 7.(errors: ? ):
(+) Free of errors:
Bad Sentence 8.(errors: ? ):
(+) Free of errors:
Bad Sentence 9.(errors: ? ):
(+) Free of errors:
Bad Sentence 10.(errors: ? ):
(+) Free of errors:
4. Copy your response from your document and insert it as a comment to this post below.
To keep our comment threads more manageable, students whose last names begin A-L will post on one thread, those from M-Z on the next thread.
FOR REASONS OF INTERNET SECURITY, DO NOT USE YOUR ACTUAL NAME; DO, HOWEVER, POST BY CREATING A USERNAME THAT WILL BE CLEAR TO THE CLASS, AND INCLUDE YOUR STUDENT ID SO THAT YOUR IDENTITY WILL BE CLEAR TO ME.
(So, for example, I might be englishteacher1018, or penglish1018 or
Ba-weepoleman1018, you get the idea. In either case, do not use your actual, correctly-spelled name, but do not be anonymous.)
29 comments:
1. Bad Sentence: The words of literature were burnt by Montag. (errors: abstract subject/passive voice)
Free of errors: Montag burned the books.
2. Bad Sentence: The teacher was harsh in her criticism towards the student. (errors: nounification/ weak verb)
Free of errors: The teacher harshly criticized the student.
3. Bad Sentence: The prisoner was given his freedom by the judge. (errors: abstract subject/ passive voice)
Free of errors: The judge released the prisoner.
4. Bad Sentence: Lennie was shot by George. (errors: passive voice/ weak verb)
Free of errors: George shot Lennie.
5. Bad Sentence: The seeming appearance of youth-like qualities in people pleases Holden. (errors: nounification/ abstract subject)
Free of errors: Innocence appears to please Holden.
6. Bad Sentence: Pencey Prep was quitted by Holden. (errors: weak verb/ passive voice)
Free of errors: Holden quit Pencey Prep.
7. Bad Sentence: The pursuit of man was enjoyed by General Zaroff. (errors: abstract subject/ passive voice)
Free of errors: General Zaroff enjoys pursuing man.
8. Bad Sentence: The society in which Harrison Bergeron lives is aiming for the creation of equality of all people. (errors: weak verb/nounification)
Free of errors: The society in which Harrison Bergeron lives aims to create equality of all people.
9. Bad Sentence: Mercutio was killed by Tybalt. (errors: passive voice/weak verb)
Free of errors: Tybalt killed Mercutio.
10. Bad Sentence: Communism takes dominance once the animals oust Mr. Jones. (errors: abstract subject/nounification)
Free of errors: Old Major’s speech, which extols Communism, dominates the mindset of the animals.
1. Bad Sentence: The newly created humans, Adam and Eve, were deeply terrified that they had sinned against their creator so they hid behind bushes and didn’t want to see Him.
(Errors: abstract subject/nounification)
Free of errors: Adam and Eve hid behind bushes because they were terrified of their sin.
2. Bad Sentence: As the wizard left, the hobbit followed.
(Errors: Passive voice/weak verbs)
Free of errors: The hobbit followed the wizard
3. Bad Sentence: Little Red Riding Hood’s grandmother was eaten by the wolf
(Errors: Passive voice/Weak verbs)
Free of errors: The Wolf ate the Grandmother.
4. Bad Sentence: The servants of God are angels.
(Errors: abstract subject/passive voice)
Free of Errors: Angels are the servants of God.
5. Bad Sentence: The legend of Boo Radley was the reason that fear dominated the dreams of the children of Maycomb.
(Errors; Passive voice/nounification)
Free of Errors: Boo Radley’s legend dominated the dreams of Maycomb’s children.
6. Bad Sentence: The words of Disney fairy tales are far from what the originals were.
(Errors: Weak Verb/Passive voice/nounification)
Free of Errors: Disney fairy tales were altered from the originals.
7. Bad Sentence: His attacker wounded because he was scared, the boy dialed 911 quick.
(Errors: Passive Voice/nounification)
Free of Errors: After wounding his attacker, the frightened boy quickly dialed 911.
8. Bad Sentence: Telling the story to the reader was a girl named Scout.
(Errors: Abstract Subject/Passive Voice)
Free of errors: Scout was the narrator.
9. Bad Sentence: The novel that was written by George Orwell named 1984 talks about a fictional character names Winston Smith.
(Errors: Abstract Subject/Passive voice/ nounification)
Free of errors: Winston Smith is a character that Orwell created in his novel 1984.
10. Bad sentence: The happiness and understanding in people is hard for Holden to understand, who has a mental issue.
(Errors: Weak verb/passive voice)
Free of errors: It is hard for Holden to comprehend empathy and joy in others due to a ‘probable’ mental issue.
1. Bad Sentence: A young woman in the twenties is on a diet, and only eats healthy food.
Errors: AS, WV, N
(+) Free of errors: Miss Baker, consumes only healthy food
Bad Sentence: A man who lives in North shore, thinks about a piece of advice that his father gave him.
Errors: AS, N
(+) Free of errors: Nick is contemplating advice his father gave him.
Bad Sentence: Nick was invited to dinner by supercilious man.
Errors: AS, PV
(+) Free of Errors: Tom invited Nick to dinner
Bad sentence: The baby was loved by a young woman who is married to Tom
Errors: AS, PV
(+) Free of Errors: Miss baker loves her baby
5.Bad sentence: The name of this book was taken from the main character’s neighbor.
Errors: AS, PV, WV
(+) Free of Errors: The Great Gatsby was derived from Nick’s Neighbor
6.Bad sentence: The bright woman,was married to a strong man.
Errors: PV, AS
(+) Free of Errors: Miss Baker married Tom
7.Bad sentence: The main character is in West Egg
Errors:AS, WV
(+) Free of Errors: Nick lives in West Egg
8.Bad sentence: This book was by this man
Errors:AS, PV, WV
(+) Free of Errors: F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote The Great Gatsby
9.Bad sentence: The process of consumption, is practiced by a young person.
Errors: PV, N,AS
(+) Free of Errors:Nick eats
10.Bad sentence: The task of cleaning the hose is in the hands of a three year old
Errors: PV, N, AS, WV
(+) Free of Errors: The year old kept the house clean
Bad Sentence 1: The money in the cave was found by Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn. (AS, WV, PV)
(+) Free of errors: Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn found 12,000 in the hidden cave.
Bad Sentence 2: Huckleberry Finn was adopted by Widow Douglas, who tried to “sivilize” him. (PV, WV)
(+) Free of errors: Because she wanted to “sivilize” him, Widow Douglas decided to adopt Huckleberry Finn.
Bad Sentence 3: Shipwrecked by the storm was Robinson Crusoe, where he ended up 40 miles out to sea (PV, WV, AS)
(+) Free of errors: After being shipwrecked by a storm, Robinson Crusoe found himself 40 miles out to sea.
Bad Sentence 4: After a date with his old girlfriend, Harry Hole is founded by himself in his own flat, with a headache and has short-term memory loss (PV, WV)
(+) Free of errors: After a date with his old girlfriend, Harry Hole finds himself in his own flat, with a headache and short-term memory loss.
Bad Sentence 5: A bank robbery is witnessed by Harry, where the bank teller is held hostage by the robber (WV, PV)
(+) Free of errors: Harry witnessed a bank robbery, where the robber holds a bank teller hostage.
Bad Sentence 6: Friday, a prisoner, is helped escaped by Robinson Crusoe. (WV, PV)
(+) Free of errors: Robinson Crusoe helps Friday, a prisoner, escape.
Bad Sentence 7: When, Huckleberry fakes his murder, he is being looked for by Huck’s father and his friends (WV, PV).
(+) Free of errors: After Huck fakes his murder, Huck’s father and his friends look for him.
Bad Sentence 8: Harry’s courage is shown when he faces Lord Voldemort by himself (WV, PV)
(+) Free of errors: Harry shows his bravery by facing Lord Voldemort.
Bad Sentence 9: Voldemort was killed by Harry in the end (PV, WV)
(+) Free of errors: Harry killed Voldemort in the end.
Bad Sentence 10: The island is left by Robinson Crusoe after he shows his former mutineers how to live on the island (WV, PV)
(+) Free of errors: Robinson Crusoe leaves the island after showing his former mutineers how to live on the island.
1. Bad Sentence: The choice that Rosalind made to disguise herself as a man was so she could be hidden from the Duke.
(Errors: as/pv/wv)
+Free of errors: Rosalind chooses to disguise herself as a man in order to hide herself from the Duke.
2. Bad Sentence: The point of the letter that Robbie wrote is to show Cecilia that he loves her.
(Errors: n/as/wv)
+Free of errors: Robbie writes Cecilia a letter to show that he loves her.
3. Bad Sentence: The rehearsals of the play were going along in a manner that left Briony feeling distressed.
(Errors: as/n)
+Free of errors: Briony felt distressed by the state of the play rehearsals.
4. Bad Sentence: The absence in the family exists because the mother is often incapacitated by a terrible illness that affects her well being.
(Errors: as/n/wv/pv)
+Free of errors: The mother often became absent from the family due to her illness.
5. Bad Sentence: The creation of the play was Briony’s attempt to impress her brother.
(Errors: as/n/wv)
+Free of errors: Briony creates a play to impress her brother.
6. Bad Sentence: The letter was written to Rosalind by Orlando.
(Errors: pv/wv)
+Free of errors: Orlando wrote the letter to Rosalind.
7. Bad Sentence: The scandal that is surrounding Lola and her family does not seem to affect her even though deep down it does.
(Errors: as/wv)
+Free of errors: Lola hides her feelings in order to seem unaffected by the scandal surrounding her family.
8. Bad Sentence: Briony’s accusation of Robbie’s commitment of the crime was false and wrong.
(Errors: n/wv/as)
+Free of errors: Briony falsely accused Robbie of committing the crime.
9. Bad Sentence: The death of Hamlet’s father was caused by his Uncle Claudius’s jealousy of the King’s power.
(Errors: as/wv/pv)
Claudius killed Hamlet’s father to inherit power.
10. Bad Sentence: Claudius was ruthless in his takeover of the throne.
(Errors: wv/n)
+Free of errors: Claudius ruthlessly took over the throne.
1) (-) Between the time work ended and lights-out, Murphy was free to what she liked.
Errors: As/Pv/Wv
(+) Murphy’s free time comes between when work ends until lights-out.
2) (-) Other guys who liked Leeda would do anything to keep Leeda from freezing them out, but Rex was never intimidated by her ice-queen routine.
Errors: As/wv/pv
(+) Out of all the guys interested in Leeda, Rex always held his ground when it came to her intimidating ice-queen routine.
3) (-) The feeling of the lake she’s gotten the first time she’d come seemed to have intensified exponentially in the heat of summer, and Murphy couldn’t contain herself.
Errors: n/pv/as
(+) Murphy’s excitement of being at the lake in the summer cannot be controlled.
4) (-) She knew he was very meticulous and very easy on the eyes and that was about it.
Errors: Wv/as
(+) Birdie recognizes Rex’s father for his meticulousness and charming looks.
5) (-) The moment slipped away, but because it wasn’t perfect, it was the most perfect one she could remember having.
Errors: Pv/as
(+) As Leeda eats peaches with Murphy and Birdie, the moment slips away and becomes the most perfect memory she can recall.
6) (-) She’d learn last week to make it a point to be back at the dorms around the time they were supposed to come back so she could watch them piling off the bus.
Errors: As/n/pv
(+) Murphy makes it her priority to arrive back at the dorms the same time the workers step off the bus.
7) (-) She liked to go back to the farthest trees of the row they’d been told to do that day, where she rarely saw another worker and could turning a 360 and feel like there was nothing, but peach trees leading off the edge of the earth.
Errors: As/wv/n/pv
(+) Murphy enjoys walking over to the far end of the orchard where she feels free with the company of peach trees surrounding her.
8) (-) The air was slightly chilly, and Murphy walked up to the grill, placing her hands palm out.
Errors: Wv/pv
(+)With a slight chill in the air, Murphy walks to the grill to warm her hands up.
9) (-) The thought of shutting out the night and the sounds of the orchard was depressing.
Errors: As/wv
(+) Murphy feels somber to the thought of shutting out everything in the night.
10) (-) There was something creepy about the trees standing in rows, holding their branches out above them like the marines had held out their swords at her uncle Gabriel’s military wedding.
Errors: Wv/pv/n
(+) The eerie idea about the pecan trees lined up in a row with their branches pointing outward reminded Leeda of the marines and their swords at her uncle Gabriel’s wedding.
Based on The Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy, by Douglas Adams:
1. (-) The inhibitor of the house, which is colored yellow, is a kind englishman named Arthur and his canine companion called Steve.
[passive voice, weak verbs]
(+) Arthur, a kind englishman, lives in a yellow house with his dog, Steve.
2. (-) Not being able to establish whether the conversation he was having was believable, was the barman.
[abstract subject, passive voice, weak verbs]
(+) The barman couldn't believe the conversation he was having.
3. (-) Flashing were the numerals that appeared on the screen.
[abstract subject, passive voice]
(+) Numbers flashed up on the screen.
4. (-) The follower of the old man's finger was Arthur, who continued until he was able to distinguish what the old man was gesturing towards.
[nounification, passive voice, weak verbs]
(+) Arthur followed the old man's finger until he could distinguish what he was pointing to.
5. (-) Closed were the steel doors being and the captain was in solitude afresh.
[nounification, passive voice]
(+) The steel doors closed and the captain was on his own again.
6. (-) The bowl of petunia's mind, which had a single thought running through it, was thinking Oh no, not again as it fell.
[abstract subject, passive voice]
(+) The only thing that went through the mind of the bowl of petunias as it fell was Oh no, not again.
7. (-) Marvin's (the spaceship's robot) greatly severe and impacting depression often puts a damper on the feelings of every single person onboard the ship, when he works as a servant.
[nounification, passive voice]
(+) Marvin, the spaceship's servant robot, often dampens the mood of people on board with his severe depression.
8. (-) Ford was overwhelmed with doubt when he watched the landscape, a shade of gray beneath them, move.
[abstract subject, passive voice, weak verbs]
(+) A moment of doubt came over Ford as he watched the gray landscape move beneath them.
9. (-) Burst was the door belonging to Trillian's cabin when she came in.
[abstract subject, nounification, passive voice]
(+) Trillian burst in through the door from her cabin.
10. (-) The stabbing through the blackness was done with a sudden point of light that was blinding.
[abstract subject, weak verbs, passive voice]
(+) Out of the blackness stabbed a sudden point of blinding light.
Bad Sentence 1. Holden’s awareness of opinions of others is one of the things that causes blame of them instead of himself. (errors:N/AS)
(+) Free of errors: Because Holden senses that others develop opinions of him based on his irresponsible actions, he transfers the blame to them instead of accepting his own failures.
Bad Sentence 2. Jerry’s eagerness to prove himself to the older boys causes him to want to do a dangerous thing. (errors:N/AS ):
(+) Free of errors: Jerry decides that he must accomplish the dangerous feat of swimming through the tunnel in order to impress the older boys.
Bad Sentence 3. The feeling of fear and regret is felt by George when he decides to shoot Lennie. (errors: N/PV)
(+) Free of errors: George feels both fear and regret when he decides to shoot Lennie.
Bad Sentence 4. Curley’s protectiveness of his wife causes him to have different types of problems with the ranchers. (errors: N/AS ):
(+) Free of errors: Because Curley protects his wife, he isn’t able to bond with the other ranchers.
Bad Sentence 5. Holden’s tendency to judge people is bad because he didn’t trust them. (errors:PV/WV ):
(+) Free of errors: Holden’s tendency to judge people causes him to distrust others.
Bad Sentence 6. Lennie was being considered dangerous because the others didn’t know about his disabilities. (errors: PV/WV ):
(+) Free of errors: The ranchers consider Lennie dangerous because they don’t know about his disabilities.
Bad Sentence 7 One of the things that Holden did to avoid blame was telling the Mr. Spencer that losing the equipment wasn’t his fault.(errors: AS/WV/PV ):
(+) Free of errors: Holden avoids blame for losing the fencing equipment by telling Mr. Spencer that it wasn’t his fault.
Bad Sentence 8. Marguerite’s feelings of fear of speaking stemmed from her dark past. (errors: N/PV ):
(+) Free of errors: Marguerite fears speaking because of her dark past.
Bad Sentence 9: Mrs. Flowers believes that Marguerite’s fear of speaking is something that should be taken care of. (errors: N/AS/WV)
(+) Free of errors: Mrs. Flower’s believes that she can help Marguerite overcome her fear of speaking.
Bad Sentence 10: Holden is a fearful teenager who blamed others to feel better about himself. (errors: WV/PV)
(+) Free of errors: Holden blames others in order to feel better about himself.
Based on Uncommon Criminal by Ally Carter
Bad Sentence #1 AS/WV/PV/N
Being rich and arrogant is a common characteristic among the party’s guests due to the fact that they have no knowledge of the foundation that the party’s purpose is to honor.
(+)The guests don’t know the foundation the party honors, showing that they are rich and arrogant.
Bad Sentence #2 WV/AS
Kat's "accented Russian" is a sign that she was taught Russian at an older age.
(+)Kat obviously learned Russian at an older age because she speaks with an accent.
Bad Sentence #3 N/PV/WV
The “wordless and worn” expression Constance’s face has on it in the airport is a sign that she has traveled a long time to be in the city.
(+)Constance looks “wordless and worn” in the airport, showing that she has traveled a long time.
Bad Sentence #4PV/WV
The artifacts are being “sold to the highest bidder” by Kelly, highlighting how he has more value for money than knowledge.
(+)Kelly, selling the artifacts “to the highest bidder,” shows that he values money over knowledge.
Bad Sentence #5 PV/WV
Wearing a “hand knit scarf” is a way to tell that Constance is poor, has free time on her hands, and it is the winter season.
(+)Constance’s “hand knit scarf” shows her poverty and large amount of free time.
Bad Sentence #6
PV/AS Feelings of “being away from home for too long” overwhelm Kat, she is homesick and has a longing for her family
(+)Kat being “away from home for too long” hints that she is homesick and misses her family.
Bad Sentence #7 PV/N/WV/
The “microwave” is lacking in Uncle Eddy’s kitchen,” which is a way to show that he is an old fashioned sort of man who has value for the culinary arts.
(+)Uncle Eddy lacks “a microwave”, showing how he appreciates old-fashioned life and cooking.
Bad Sentence #8 PV/N/WV/AS
Since the contemplation of “what goes on in Gabrielle’s head” is an activity often engaged by Kat in then Gabrielle is smarter than she looks to most people.
(+)Kat contemplates “what goes on in Gabrielle’s head” often, showing how Gabrielle is smarter than she lets on.
Bad Sentence #9 AS/PV
The thought of Eddie going all the way to “Paraguay” was something that didn’t cross the minds of anyone, showing that he rarely leaves the country or travels anywhere
(+)No one thought Eddie was going to “Paraguay”, hinting how rarely he travels.
Bad Sentence #10
(PV AS): Hale’s love for Kat couldn’t be “hidden”, showing he must love her a lot.
(+) Free of errors: Hale couldn’t “hide” his love for Kat, showing he loves her a lot.
Summer Writing Skills Assignment #1: Based on Just Kids by Patti Smith
Bad Sentence 1: A carless treatment of her body during a one time fling led to a child that was conceived by Patti Smith at a young age. (AS, N, WV, PV)
+ Free of errors: Patti treats her body carelessly and conceives at a young age.
Bad Sentence 2: The given circumstances of the situation, such as her underestimation of the focus, discipline and money needed, led Patti to quit teachers’ college. (AS, PV, N)
+ Free of errors: Patti quit teachers’ college because she underestimated the focus, discipline and money needed to continue her education.
Bad Sentence 3: The city of Camden was the place left by Patti when she had a yearning for a change and chose to move to New York City. (PV, AS, WV, N)
+ Free of errors: Patti’s yearning for change prompts her move to New York City.
Bad Sentence 4: Ruthless decision making was the type of behavior Patti engaged herself in while making the decision of what to take and what to leave behind for her new life in the city. (AS,WV, N)
+Free of errors: Patti ruthlessly chose what to bring for her new life in the city.
Bad Sentence 5: Words to describe the thing that was sat upon by Robert would “simple, iron and bed”. (AS, WV, PV)
+Free of errors: Robert sat on a simple iron bed.
Bad Sentence 6: Two in the morning was the time of the day that Robert and Patti walked around before they both finally revealed that neither of them had a place to sleep. (AS, N, WV, PV)
+Free of errors: Finally, at two in the morning, Robert and Patti both revealed that they had no place to sleep.
Bad Sentence 7: The creation of art was what Robert dreamed to do to make a living. (AS, N, WV, PV)
+Free of errors: Robert dreamed of painting to make a living.
Bad Sentence 8: The poor conditions that they lived in led to a period of depression that was suffered through by both Patti and Robert. (PV, AS, WV, N)
+Free of errors: The depressed Patti and Robert suffered throuh poor conditions.
Bad Sentence 9: The lack of creativity in the environment that he worked in at FAO Schwartz caused a case of depression in which Robert was entangled. (AS, PV, N, WV)
+Free of errors: Robert’s banal work conditions depressed him.
Bad Sentence 10: The finalization of his artwork was a difficult task for Robert in that he often didn’t know when to finish. (AS, WV, N, PV)
+Free of errors: Robert struggles with the prospect of finishing his artwork.
Bad Sentence 1:(errors: wv/n/pv )
(-) Pencey kicked Holden out and he left.
(+) Holden left Pencey after being kicked out.
Bad Sentence 2:(errors: wv/n/pv/as)
(-) The cake he ate was for his Birthday and it was good.
(+) The boy ate his delicious Birthday cake.
Bad Sentence 3:(errors: wv/n)
(-) Lily who was married to Marshall loved him a lot because they were married.
(+) Free of errors: Lily loved her husband Marshall.
Bad Sentence 4:(errors: pv/n/wv)
(-) King Duncan in his sleep is killed by Macbeth.
(+) Macbeth kills King Duncan in his sleep.
Bad Sentence 5:(errors: wv/n/as )
(-) She committed suicide and gave her friend tapes on his doorstep for him to know why she died.
(+) She left tapes on her friend’s doorstep explaining why she committed suicide.
Bad Sentence 6:(errors: pv/wv/n )
(-) Robin who didn’t want commitment in a relationship was loved by Ted still.
(+) Ted loved Robin despite her not wanting a committed relationship.
Bad Sentence 7:(errors: as/n/wv)
(-) It was so boring that I fell asleep while reading Drivers Ed online.
(+) Drivers Ed online was so boring that I fell asleep.
Bad Sentence 8:(errors: wv/n/pv)
(-) Ginny who is Ron’s sister wants to be with Harry her brother’s best friend who she loves.
(+) Ginny is in love with her brother’s best friend, Harry.
Bad Sentence 9:(errors: pv/wv/n/as)
(-) The job that was her dream was the job she took when it was offered to her.
(+) She took her dream job when it was offered to her.
Bad Sentence 10: (errors: pv/wv/n)
(-) Maria who loved Tony who died was upset when he died.
(+) Maria was upset when Tony, her love, died.
Bad Sentence 1.- As the development of the world grows, the belief of Jesus Christ is to be less noticeable. (Errors: WV, nounif.)
(+) Free of errors: As the world develops, the belief of Jesus Christ fades.
Bad Sentence 2.- The plan of murdering David was done by King Saul, due to his jealousy.(errors: nounif. PV ):
(+) Free of errors: Jealous, King Saul planned to kill David.
Bad Sentence 3.- The Word, which was in partnership with God, was to volunteer on what God has planned for the future of the corrupted world, Earth. (Errors: AS WV PV):
(+) Free of errors: With the Word, God planned to save the future of the corrupted world, Earth.
Bad Sentence 4. – In a few years, many, without even noticing, will fall in the hands of the beast, having no choice but to receive the verichip, a device that makes commerce possible. (errors: WV PV):
(+) Free of errors: Many will fall unnoticeably by receiving the verichip, the beast’s invention to new age commerce.
Bad Sentence 5.- Joseph’s optimism, under any circumstances, has been proven as he rises as a second highest ruler in Egypt.(errors: nounif. PV ):
(+) Free of errors: Joseph thought positively and became the second highest in all Egypt
Bad Sentence 6.- the wisdom that Solomon contains was well-known to the world because he was a blessed man. (errors: Nounif AS ):
(+) Free of errors: The world knew Solomon for his wisdom and blessing.
Bad Sentence 7.- The seven seals were to be opened only by the lamb with seven eyes and seven horns.(errors: WV PV):
(+) Free of errors: Only the lamb with seven eyes and seven horns can open the seven seals.
Bad Sentence 8.- The freestyle done by the dancer was an amazement to many people walking down the street.(errors: PV Nounifi):
(+) Free of errors: People on the streets were amazed by the dancer’s freestyle.
Bad Sentence 9.- The children born from the wife of Warren Buffet were not able receive any of his possessions.(errors: WV PV AS ):
(+) Free of errors: Warren Buffet decided not to leave his possessions to his children.
Bad Sentence 10.- the passion of JK Rowling had her writing the first book of Harry Potter on tissues, back in the time when she couldn’t even afford papers.(errors: nounif, WV AS):
(+) Free of errors: JK Rowling passionately completes her first Harry Potter book on tissues, back when she couldn’t even afford papers.
Bad sentence 1. Errors: Abstract subjects, weak verbs, nounification, passive voice
After the death of Anna from a car accident when she was on her way home from court, the transplant of her kidney into her leukemia-inflicted sister, Kate, by Dr. Chance is promptly made after the approval of Campbell Alexander, who holds the medical power of attorney, is given for the surgery.
(+) Free of errors:
When Anna dies in a car accident on her way home from court, Dr. Chance promptly transplants her kidney into her leukemia-inflicted sister, Kate, after Campbell Alexander, who holds the medical power of attorney, approves of the surgery.
Bad sentence 2. Errors: Nounification, weak verbs, passive voice
Earlier in the novel, a lawsuit against her own parents for medical emancipation, the right to make medical decisions on her own, is made by Anna, namely over wanting to make her own decision over whether she should go through with the donation of her kidney to her ailing sister.
(+) Free of errors:
Earlier in the novel, Anna sues her own parents for medical emancipation, the right to make medical decisions on her own, wanting to decide on her own whether to donate her kidney to her ailing sister.
Bad sentence 3. Errors: Weak verbs, passive voice, abstract nouns
Numerous surgeries, transfusions, and shots had already been undertaken by Anna prior to the lawsuit in order that her bone marrow, blood, or lymphocytes would be donated to older sister.
(+) Free of errors:
Prior to the lawsuit, Anna had already underwent numerous surgeries, transfusions, and shots in order to donate bone marrow, blood, or lymphocytes to her older sister.
Bad sentence 4. Errors: Weak verbs, passive voice
In fact, Anna is a “designer baby” who was conceived through preimplantation genetic diagnosis by doctors as a genetic match to her sister specifically so that her cord blood could be harvested by them upon her birth to be used in treatments to save Kate’s life.
(+) Free of errors:
In fact, the doctors conceived Anna, a “designer baby,” through preimplantation genetic diagnosis as a genetic match to her sister, specifically so that they could harvest her cord blood upon birth, and then use it in treatments to save Kate’s life.
Bad sentence 5. Errors: Abstract nouns, weak verbs, nounification
The dreams, body, and social life of Anna were a sacrifice given for the sake of her sister at the pressure of Anna’s over-bearing mother, Sara Fitzgerald, who possessed a neglect of her younger daughter for the sake of her older, weaker one.
(+) Free of errors:
Anna’s over-bearing mother, Sara Fitzgerald, often neglected her younger daughter for the sake of her older, weaker one, pressuring Anna to sacrifice her dreams, body, and social life for her sister’s sake.
(cont.)
Bad sentence 6. Errors: Nounification, weak verb, abstract noun
A similar disregard for Anna’s brother, Jesse, at the hands of Sara and her husband had the end result of being that he would act out so that he could possess their attention, starting a participation in drug and alcohol abuse as well as arsony.
(+) Free of errors:
Sara and her husband, Brian, similarly disregarded Anna’s brother, Jesse, which caused him to act out in order to gain their attention, participating in drug and alcohol abuse as well as arsony.
Bad sentence 7. Errors: Abstract noun, nounification, weak verb
The direct offense against Brian is the engagement in arsony by Jesse as his father’s job is as a firefighter and he uses the knowledge Brian passed to him about explosives to start fires.
(+) Free of errors:
Jesse engages in arsony in order to directly offend his father, who works as a firefighter, using the knowledge Brian passed to him about explosives to start fires.
Bad sentence 8. Errors: Passive voice, weak verb, abstract noun
The twist in the story is when Anna is revealed to actually have been requested by Kate to file the lawsuit, whose constant guilt for the numerous sacrifices her family had made for her made her no longer want to live.
(+) Free of errors:
Kate, in a surprising twist in the story, actually requested Anna to file the lawsuit, revealing that she no longer wanted to live as she constantly suffered guilt over the numerous sacrifices her family had made for her.
Bad sentence 9. Errors: Abstract noun, nounification
The shocking death of Anna allows Kate to receive her kidney anyway, whose survival of the surgery and going into remission she gives credit to her belief that “someone had to go, and Anna took [her] place.”
(+) Free of errors:
After Anna’s shockingly dies however, Kate receives her kidney anyway, surviving the surgery and going into remission, which she credits to her belief that “someone had to go, and Anna took [her] place.”
Bad sentence 10. Errors: Abstract noun, passive voice, weak verbs
Journies are taken by many teenagers which are kind of similar to Jodi Picoult’s depiction of Anna’s, who searched for self-acceptance and an identity separate from her sister’s, although Anna’s carries much higher stakes in this story.
(+) Free of errors:
In this novel, Jodi Picoult depicts Anna’s search for self-acceptance and an identity separate from her sister’s, a journey taken by many teenagers, but which, in this story, carries much higher stakes.
Bad Sentence 1.(errors: AS, PV): In Of Mice and Men, comfort can be found in very few places.
(+) Free of errors: In Of Mice and Men, George can’t seem to find comfort in the Great Depression seeing that every time he seeks refuge, Lennie screws it up by attacking a girl.
Bad Sentence 2.(errors: WV, PV): Caliban constantly is tamed by Prospero, seeing that she forces him to do her bidding.
(+) Free of errors: Since Prospero forces Caliban to do her bidding, she obviously tamed Caliban when they first met.
Bad Sentence 3.(errors: WV, PV): Hamlet is losing his mind seeing that he sees the ghost that is his father.
(+) Free of errors: Hamlet obviously starts to lose his mind when he sees his father’s ghost.
Bad Sentence 4.(errors: N, WV): To be honest, Shakespeare is an influential play write.
(+) Free of errors: Honestly, Shakespeare wrote many influential plays.
Bad Sentence 5.(errors: WV, N, AS): Coolness is determined by the other students that surround a child because it is obvious that without a social frame coolness would never be a factor in society.
(+) Free of errors: Other students determine how “cool” students act because students make up the society’s social frame.
Bad Sentence 6.(errors: N, PV): To be frank, the spell that Harry used, Sectum-sempra, was made by Snape.
(+) Free of errors: Frankly, professor Snape invented the spell that Harry used to cut Draco.
Bad Sentence 7.(errors: WV, PV, AS): When magic is used by Harry, it is often used to help his friends.
(+) Free of errors: Harry uses magic to help his friends in their daring endeavors.
Bad Sentence 8.(errors: WV, PV, N): In the book The Lord of the Flies, Ralph is constantly trying to keep control over his colony of British school boys because they’re always tempted by Jack’s twisted freedom even though if they leave they won’t get rescued by people.
(+) Free of errors: In the book The Lord of the Flies, Ralph constantly tries to persuade his colony of British school boys to never give into Jack’s twisted views of freedom because if they leave to go to “play,” no one will rescue the colony.
Bad Sentence 9.(errors: WV, PV): When Dr. Rush is plunging through a Blue Giant to get energy for Destiny (a space ship designed to fly off of solar energy), it is obvious that Rush will risk his life for his crew.
(+) Free of errors: Obviously Dr. Rush would risk anything for his crew given that he plunges through a Blue Giant to regain solar energy for their ship, Destiny.
Bad Sentence 10.(errors: WV, PV): Summer homework for Dr. P is really tiring given that I’m still up all night doing the work assigned by Dr. P.
(+) Free of errors: I’m really tired because I still stay up all night doing home work Dr. P assigned even though our school let us out for summer.
Bad Sentence 1.Miranda is almost molested by Caliban, leaving Prospero to have less trust towards all men with his daughter (errors: wv, n, pv ):
(+) Free of errors: Caliban tries to molest Miranda, leaving Prospero to mistrust men with his daughter.
Bad Sentence 2. Prospero’s extravagant plan is carried out by Ariel. (errors: as, wv, pv ):
(+) Free of errors: Ariel carries out Prospero’s extravagant plan.
Bad Sentence 3. prospero’s storm brought the characters onto the island which is the start of the story. (errors: as, wv,n):
(+) Free of errors prospero makes a storm that brings all the characters onto the island and starts off the story
Bad Sentence 4. Prospero is wrongfully kicked out of being the duke of Milan by his brother (errors: wv, pv):
(+) Free of errors: Antonio wrongfully kicks Prospero out of being the duke of Milan.
Bad Sentence 5. Happyface is taught by Chloe that opening up to people can help him solve his problems with them (errors: wv, pv ):
(+) Free of errors: Chloe teaches Happyface that opening up to people can help him solve his problems with them.
Bad Sentence 6. The vow that Happyface makes to always smile increases his popularity. (errors: as, n ):
(+) Free of errors: Happyface vows to always smile, which increases his popularity.
Bad Sentence 7. The only friend of Happyface when he is a jerk is Chloe (errors: as, wv):
(+) Free of errors: Chloe befriends Happyface when he acts like a jerk
Bad Sentence 8. Happyface looses his rolemodel when Everett is faced with death (errors:n, wv):
(+) Free of errors: Happyface looses his role-model when Everett dies.
Bad Sentence 9. His parent’s divorce is what forces Happyface to move and make new friends (errors:as, pv, wv? ):
(+) Free of errors: Happyface moves and makes new friends when his parents split up.
Bad Sentence 10.Happyface’s heartbreak is the cause of his major change in personality (errors: n, as, wv):
(+) Free of errors: Happyface breaks his heart, which causes his major change in personality.
1. Bad Sentence 1. The abusive treatment of the door led to the angry display of Charlie breaking everything in the house.(errors: pv/wv)
(+) Out of anger, Charlie slammed the door and broke everything in sight.
2. Bad Sentence 2. In their dangerous situation, as Rosalind left, so did Celia. (errors: pv/wv )
(+) When in danger, Celia followed Rosalind.
3. Bad Sentence 3. The author introduces Charlie, who is a sulking and depressing teenager, with a shy lifestyle and friends made from random classes who help him through life. (errors: wv/pv/n )
(+) Charlie is a shy and depressed teenager who sulks around until his new friends cheer him up.
4. Bad Sentence 4.The beads on a string were thrown by Martha. (errors: as/pv )
(+) Martha threw the bracelet.
5. Bad Sentence 5. The boat housed 10 or so men who played music that was very loud all through the day, and who went on crazy fun antincs.(errors: as/wv/n )
(+) A crew of nutty men live on a boat and broadcast rock music all day.
6. Bad Sentence 6. Suicide happens when Ophelia jumps into a freezing river to end her like because she has emotions for Hamlet that make her mad.(errors: n/as )
(+) Ophelia commits suicide because she is upset with Hamlet.
7. Bad Sentence 7. The album which was bought by Patrick asked for ten dollars.(errors: n/wv )
(+) Patrick bought and album for ten dollars.
8. Bad Sentence 8.The meaning of the poem, says the person who created it, is that it is a suicide note. (errors: as/wv/pv )
(+) The poem was meant as a suicide note.
9. Bad Sentence 9. Getting kissed by Kev was exciting, since liking him was something I had done all my life.(errors: as/wv ):
(+) I was excited to be kissed by Kev, because I had liked him all my life.
10. Bad Sentence 10.The make-up brush that is supposed to be for my eyeshadow was let backstage, and now I can’t do my make-up. (errors: wv/pv ):
(+) I can’t do my make-up because I left my brush at home.
Bad Sentence 1.(errors: as, n ? ): The creation of the lies that Holden often told were attempts to hide his horrible life.
(+) Free of errors: Holden told lies in order to hide his miserable life.
Bad Sentence 2.(errors: pv, wv, n, as ? ):The freedom of the dragon is Harry’s doing.
(+) Free of errors: Harry frees the dragon.
Bad Sentence 3.(errors: as, n ? ): The fright which was caused by Voldemort, belonged to the wizards
(+) Free of errors: Voldemort frightens the wizards.
Bad Sentence 4.(errors: pv, wv ? ): The wand was broken by Hermione.
(+) Free of errors: Hermione broke the wand.
Bad Sentence 5.(errors: as, n, wv ? ): The absence of enough polyjuice potion for four people was a direct result Harry and the others’ ignorance for it’s future use.
(+) Free of errors: Harry, Ron and Hermione ignored how much polyjuice potion they had, resulting in them only being able to transform one person.
Bad Sentence 6.(errors: pv, wv, as ? ): The elder wand, which was in the possession of Dumbledore’s rotting corpse, was stolen by the nefarious and dastardly Voldemort.
(+) Free of errors: Voldemort stole the elder wand from Dumbledore.
Bad Sentence 7.(errors: as, n ? ): Happiness was absent in Holden when he had come to the realization that he was to be excluded from the activities of Pencey from then on.
(+) Free of errors: Holden wasn’t happy when he realized that he had been expelled from Pencey.
Bad Sentence 8.(errors: pv, wv, n ? ):The patronus charm was cast by Harry hastily to fend of the fright of the Dementors.
(+) Free of errors: Harry cast the patronus charm to fend of the Dementors.
Bad Sentence 9.(errors: as, n ? ): Actions which were preformed by Harry affected him negatively in the conquest to acquire and destroy the several scattered soul splitting pieces.
(+) Free of errors: Many of Harry’s actions affected his conquest to destroy the horcruxes negatively.
Bad Sentence 10.(errors: pv, wv ? ): Gringotts was destroyed by the epic power of the dragon
(+) Free of errors: The dragon destroyed Gringotts with it’s epic might.
Bad Sentence 1. On Gold Mountain was written by Lisa See about her family who moved from China to America in the late 1800s. (errors: AS, PV):
(+) Free of errors: Lisa See wrote On Gold Mountain to tell the story of her Chinese-American family.
Bad Sentence 2. Fong Dun Shung is an herbalist from China who’s almost magic healing powers come from all of the herbs he uses.(errors: N, WV ):
(+) Free of errors: Fong Dun Shung is gifted and well-knowledged herbalist from China.
Bad Sentence 3. His second and third eldest sons are chosen to go with him to aid him in the earning of riches in the California Gold Rush. (errors: PV, AS, N ):
(+) Free of errors: Fong Dun Shun choses his second and third eldest sons to come with him to California and help him earn riches.
Bad Sentence 4. China, although his home country, is what Fong Dun Shun never meant to make a return trip to, despite his wife’s hopes and beliefs. (errors: AS,WV, N ):
(+) Free of errors: Fong Dun Shun never returned to China after leaving for America, although his wife hoped he would.
Bad Sentence 5. Seven years after his father’s departure, Fong See plans an immigration to America in search of Fong Dun Shun. (errors: AS, N ):
(+) Free of errors: Fong See travels to America to find his father seven years after his father left China.
Bad Sentence 6. In the mind of Leland Standford, the Chinese are an “inferior race.” (errors: AS, WV):
(+) Free of errors: Leland Standford viewed the Chinese as an “inferior race.”
Bad Sentence 7. After the excitement initial of the Gold Rush wears off, the Chinese are cautious about going to America due to harsh working conditions and maltreatment.(errors: AS, WV):
(+) Free of errors: The Chinese are cautious about coming to America after the harsh working conditions and maltreatment are exposed.
Bad Sentence 8. Fong See was sent to America by his uncle, who had enough money to send him to America. (errors: PV, WV ):
(+) Free of errors: Fong See’s uncle paid for his nephew’s journey to America.
Bad Sentence 1. Heaven reading Brady’s mail is what angers him. (errors: as, wv, pv):
(+) Free of errors: Brady is angry that Heaven is reading his mail.
Bad Sentence 2. Brady avoiding his “crazy ex” only makes her want to win him back even more.(errors: as, n ):
(+) Free of errors: Brady’s ex wants to win him back more than ever when he avoids her.
Bad Sentence 3. They could only achieve their goals when it was decided by them that they would work together.(errors: as, wv, pv, n ):
(+) Free of errors: They achieved their goals when they worked together.
Bad Sentence 4. The promise of land with their own animals is what keeps Lennie trying to follow George’s orders. (errors: as, wv, pv ):
(+) Free of errors: Lennie tries to follow George’s orders because he promised him land with his own animals.
Bad Sentence 5. Many men traveling alone is what made George and Lennie seem unusual.(errors: as, wv ):
(+) Free of errors: George and Lennie seemed unusual because unlike everyone else, they traveled together.
Bad Sentence 6. Curley’s wife hanging around all the men eventually was the cause of her own doom. (errors: as, wv, pv, n ):
(+) Free of errors: Hanging around the men caused Curley’s wife’s doom.
Bad Sentence 7. Closing himself off to other people, was what made Holden not become close to many people.(errors: as, wv, pv ):
(+) Free of errors: Holden didn’t become close to many people because he closed himself off to them.
Bad Sentence 8. The way Jane played chess was one thing that Holden remembered about her.(errors: as, wv, pv, n ):
(+) Free of errors: Holden remembered the way Jane played chess.
Bad Sentence 9. It was shown that Holden didn’t dislike everything by him loving his sister.(errors: as, wv, pv ):
(+) Free of errors: By loving his sister, it showed that he didn’t dislike everything
Bad Sentence 10. Dropping out of every school upset his parents.(errors: ? ):
(+) Free of errors: His parents were upset knowing that he dropped out of every school.
Based on Pride and Prejudice, By Jane Austen.
Bad Sentence 1. Mrs. Bennet's hope for her daughters to marry a wealthy man exists because if they don't, their daughters won't have anything to live off of when they are gone. (errors: AS/weak verbs /and “nounification" ):
(+) Free of errors: Bennet's daughters must marry wealthy men so they will have economic stability in the future.
Bad Sentence 2. Mr. Darcy's insecurity and conceit led to a snotty display of arrogant remarks which insulted Elizabeth. (errors:abstract subject/nounification):
(+) Free of errors: Mr. Darcy's arrogant remarks caused by insecurity and conceit insulted Elizabeth.
Bad Sentence 3.When Elizabeth denied Mr. Collin's marriage proposal, a sign of economic relief for their family, Mrs. Bennet was overwhelmed with grief. (errors: ? ):
(+) Free of errors: Mrs. Bennet was overwhelmed with grief when Elizabeth denied Mr.Collin's marriage proposal, a sign of economic relief for their family.
Bad Sentence 4. As Jane left, Lydia followed.(errors:Passive voice/weak verbs ):
(+) Free of errors: Lydia followed Jane.
Bad Sentence 5. The novel that was written by Jane Austen named Pride and Prejudice talks about the theme that love is a force to be reckoned with.
(Errors: AS/Passive voice/ nounification)
(+) Free of errors: The motif that love is a force to be reckoned with is a theme that Austen expressed in her novel Pride and Prejudice.
Bad Sentence 6.After having a argument with his secret love Elizabeth, Mr. Darcy retires to his aunts house, and writes a letter to Elizabeth explaining all the accusations she had put against him. (Passive voice, weak verbs)
(+) Free of errors: To explain all the accusations Elizabeth had put against Mr. Darcy, he wrote a letter to her.
Bad Sentence 7. Other men who proposed to Elizabeth would immediately deny it, but Mr. Darcy found her independence interesting. (AS/weak verbs/passive voice)
(+) Free of errors: Out of all the men that was intimidated to propose to Elizabeth, Mr. Darcy was the only one that found that confidence intriguing.
Bad Sentence 8. Darcy's awareness of Jane's inferior social status along with the assumption that Bingley likes Jane more than she likes him is the main factor that causes Darcy to talk Bingley out of the marriage. (errors:Nounification/AS)
(+) Free of errors: Because Darcy sees that others develop opinions of people based on their social rank, he talks Bingley out of the marriage with Jane instead of letting him marry who he loves.
Bad Sentence 9. Instead of commenting about how thoughtful Elizabeth was to come see her ill sister, Miss Bingley comments about how dirty her skirt is from walking 3 miles in the mud.
Errors: AS/Passive voice/weak verbs.
(+) Miss Bingley comments about how dirty Elizabeth's skirt is from walking in the mud, rather than commenting about how thoughtful it was to walk 3 miles to come see her ill sister.
Bad Sentence 10. Lydia's tendency to be silly and fall in love easily is bad because it gets her into a lot of trouble.(errors:Passive voice/weak verbs )
(+) Free of errors: Lydia's tendency to be silly and fall in love easily causes her to elope with Wikham, which eventually gets her and her family into economic trouble.
Bad Sentence 1.(errors: as, wv, pv): The light orbs were picked up by Will.
(+) Free of errors: Will picked up the light orbs.
Bad Sentence 2.(errors: as, wv, n): Learning to “double tongue” is a challenge for many bassoonists.
(+) Free of errors: Many bassoonists find it challenging to “double tongue.”
Bad Sentence 3.(errors: as, wv, pv):The Nutella was consumed greedily by Sam.
(+) Free of errors: Sam ate the Nutella.
Bad Sentence 4.(errors: pv, wv): Cal, upon taking a direct look at the sun, is trying to act completely fine.
(+) Free of errors: Cal, after looking directly at the sun, tried to act fine.
Bad Sentence 5.(errors: n, pv): Without calculators, most of the most important calculations the world has ever seen would never have been made.
(+) Free of errors: Without calculators, the best mathematicians would be unable to compute the most difficult equations in the world.
Bad Sentence 6.(errors: as, wv, n, pv): It was a challenge for the trees to be planted on the slope.
(+) Free of errors: The gardeners found if challenging to plant the trees on the slope.
Bad Sentence 7.(errors: as, wv, n, pv): The oxygen in the air is breathed by humans.
(+) Free of errors: Humans breathe the oxygen in the air.
Bad Sentence 8.(errors: as, wv, n): Light houses were vital to the safety of ships in storms.
(+) Free of errors: Sailors relied on light houses to direct their ships to safety.
Bad Sentence 9.(errors: as, wv, ps, n): “Family Feud” is enjoyed by my relatives living in the U.S.
(+) Free of errors: My relatives in the U.S. enjoy “Family Feud.”
Bad Sentence 10.(errors: as, wv, n, pv): Chinese New Year is celebrated by my family.
(+) Free of errors: My family celebrates Chinese New Year.
Bad sentence 1: When Bruno comes home from school to find Maria, his Maid, packing his things, he is surprised. (Weak verb, wordy sentence.)
(+) Corrected: Bruno comes home from school, surprised to see his maid, Maria, packing his things.
Bad sentence 2: The new house that Bruno moved into was a disappointment to Bruno, since it was the exact opposite of his other house. (Abstract subject, wordy sentence, weak verbs.)
(+) Corrected: Bruno’s new house disappointed Bruno, because it seemed very different from his old house.
Bad Sentence 3: Bruno is “a little scared” of his sister, Gretel, who has made it clear that she is in charge. (Weak verbs, wordy sentence.)
(+) Corrected: Gretel scares Bruno, since she asserts her authority over him.
Bad Sentence 4: The “town” that Bruno sees when he looks out the window is isolated by a large, barb-wired fence. (Abstract Subject, Weak verb, passive voice.)
(+) Corrected: When Bruno looks out his window, he sees a huge fence with barbed wire isolating some sort of “town.”
Bad Sentence 5: When she comes into his room, Maria is asked by Bruno whether she is as dissatisfied with the house as he is. (Weak verbs, Passive voice.)
(+) Corrected: When Maria comes into Bruno’s room, Bruno asks her if she is as dissatisfied with the new house as he is.
Bad Sentence 6: Lieutenant Kotler is a “soldier” that Bruno had encountered at his first day at Out-With, and is seen frequently around the house, which makes Bruno uneasy. (Passive voice, Weak verbs)
(+) Corrected: Since his first day at Out-With, Bruno encountered a soldier, Lieutenant Kotler, who makes Bruno uneasy.
Bad Sentence 7: Bruno’s loving Grandparents are missed by Bruno while he is staying at Out-With. (Passive voice, Weak verbs)
(+) Corrected: During his stay at Out-With, Bruno starts to miss his loving Grandparents.
Bad Sentence 8: Life at Out-With starts to make Bruno comfortable after a while, even though things are remaining the same. (Nounification, Weak verbs, Abstract subject.)
(+) Corrected: After a while, Out-With starts to comfort Bruno, though things remain pretty much the same.
Bad Sentence 9: The boy on the other side of the fence that is wearing striped pajamas is seen by Bruno. (passive voice, Wordy sentence, weak verbs, nounification.)
(+) Corrected: While walking along the fence, Bruno sees a boy wearing striped pajamas, like the others on his side of the fence.
Bad Sentence 10: Bruno’s father is aske3d by Bruno who “the Fury” is, but Bruno doesn’t get a response, and instead is told by his father that he is pronouncing “the Fury” wrong.
(+) Corrected: Bruno asks his father who “the Fury,” is, but his father responds by telling Bruno that he is pronouncing it wrong.
1.Bad sentence:
The opportunity dance in a classical manner requiring grace is taken away by Harriet's father. (as, wv)
1.Harriet's father takes away Harriet's ballet classes.
2.Bad sentence:
Harriet was contained to her dwellings by her parental figure.(pv, as)
2. Harriet's father kept her at home.
3. Bad sentence:Harriet was followed by Edward into the Amazon.(wv, pv)
3. Edward followed Harriet into the amazon.
4. Bad sentence: The lawful wedding of harriet and Mr.Verney was upsetting to their peers. (as, wv)
4. Bad Sentence: Harriet and Mr.Verney's wedding upset their peers.
The presentation of the ballet was a rare spectacle. (nounif, wv)
4.The ballet presented a rare spectacle.
5. Bad Sentence: Marie-Claude is replaced by Harriet willingly in the cake. (wv, pv)
5. Harriet willingly replaces Marie-Claude in the cake.
6.Bad Sentence: Edward's gullable qualities are taken advantage of by the ballerinas in order to keep Harriet. (wv, as, pv)
6. The ballerinas take advantage of Edward's stupidity to keep Harriet.
7.Bad Sentence: Simonova's desire for harriet's joining her to dance at St. Petersburg was ignored by Harriet's father. (as, wv, pv)
7. Harriet's father ignored Simonova's wishes for Harriet's departure to St. Petersburg.
8. Bad Sentence: The anger of Aunt Louisa about Harriet has stemmed from worry about how it will affect Louisa's image.( nounif, wv)
8. Aunt Louisa's anger stems from her worry about her own image.
9.Bad Sentence: Being a professional ballerina was never dreamed by Harriet.(pv, wv)
9. Harriet never dreamed of being a proffesional ballerina.
10. Bad Sentence: Rom used written words to contact his irresponsible brother and has told him he is taking back his estate. (nounif, wv)
10. Rom wrote his irresponsible brother telling him he is taking back his estate.
Bad Sentence: The death of Hamlet’s father is consuming and causes anger towards his uncle for killing his father and marrying his mother and is driven to be irrational with his choices.
(Weak Verb, Passive voice, Abstract Subject)
Free of Errors: Consumed by anger towards his uncle for killing his father and marrying his mother, Hamlet is compelled to make irrational choices.
Bad Sentence: It becomes clear to his uncle that he is suspicious when he writes a play about the death of his father.
(Weak Verb, Abstract subject)
Free of Errors: Hamlet’s uncle becomes aware he suspects him after seeing the play written about his father’s death.
Bad Sentence: Hamlet is driven by the ghost of his father to be revengeful on his cunning uncle.
(Weak Verb, Passive Voice)
Free of Errors: Driven by the ghost of his father, Hamlet seeks revenge on his cunning uncle.
Bad Sentence: Ophelia’s burial is debated because her death looks like a it is a suicide and according to religious doctrine suicides may not receive christian burial.
(Weak Verb, Wordy Sentence)
Free of Errors: Ophelia’s possible suicide raises questions in the religious doctrine dealing with her christian burial.
Bad Sentence: A letter is sent by Hamlet to Horatio stating his ship has been captured and he is now in Denmark.
(Abstract Subject, Weak Verb)
Free of Error: Horatio receives a letter from Hamlet explaining that his ship has been captured and that he is now in Denmark.
Bad Sentence: Ophelia has gone mad, considering the death of her father is a challenge.
(Nounif, weak verb)
Free of Error: Ophelia slowly goes mad while dealing with her father’s death.
Bad Sentence: Love for Ophelia is mistaken for insanity when dealing with Hamlet by Polonius and the king.
(Weak Verb, Abstract Subject)
Free of Error: Polonius and the king mistake Hamlet’s hidden love for Ophelia for insanity.
Bad Sentence: During the king’s confession, Hamlet decides to not kill him because it would ensure his soul went to heaven.
(Abstract subject, passive voice)
Free of Error: Hamlet decides to spare the king’s life during his confession, because it would ensure that his soul would go to Heaven.
Bad Sentence: In Gertrude’s chamber, the queen and Polonius were waiting for Hamlet to arrive.
(Abstract subject, weak verb)
Free of Error: The queen and Polonius were waiting for Hamlet’s arrive in Gertrude’s chamber.
Bad Sentence: It is revealed by Hamlet that Polonius’ body is buried under the stairs, near the castle lobby, so the king sends his attendants to look.
( Passive voice)
Free of Error: Hamlet reveals that Polonius’ body is buried under the stair, near the castle lobby, in response the king sends his attendants to search there.
Bad Sentence 1: It is a challenge for Holden to cope with his emotional problems.
(errors: WV/AS/Nounif ):
(+) Free of errors: Holden often finds it challenging to cope with his emotional problems that cause him stress.
Bad Sentence 2: People that are acquaintances with Holden tried to help his problems by giving him helpful advice. (errors: AS/WV)
(+) Free of errors: Holden’s friends attempted to help his emotional problems.
Bad Sentence 3: Phoebe, the only person who really makes Holden happy, is his sister.
(errors: WV/AS):
(+) Free of errors: Holden’s sister Phoebe brings him happiness.
Bad Sentence 4: Holden went on a run away from school because he didn’t want to be there anymore.
(errors: Nounif/AS):
(+) Free of errors: Holden started running away from school as he was kicked out of Pencey.
Bad Sentence 5: Lying is an easy thing for Holden to do since he nearly does it all the time. (errors: AS/WV/Nounif):
(+) Free of errors: Holden finds it easy to lie as he acts upon them often.
Bad Sentence 6: Worrying is a thing the Holden does a lot, and it is also very serious to him. (errors: AS/WV/Nounif):
(+) Free of errors: Holden worries often and handles it very seriously.
Bad Sentence 7: Morons are people that Holden really dislikes. (errors: AS/WV):
(+) Free of errors: Holden hates morons.
Bad Sentence 8: Girls are problems that Holden struggles with. (errors: AS/WV):
(+) Free of errors: Holden struggles with girl problems.
Bad Sentence 9: Holden is a teenager who wants to protect his childhood quality of being pure. (errors: WV/AS):
(+) Free of errors: Holden, a teenager wants to protect his childhood innocence.
Bad Sentence 10: A “phony” is a person that Holden greatly dislikes, even though he contains similar “phony.”
(errors: WV/AS):
(+) Free of errors: Holden hates people with “phony” qualities, even though he has been analyzed to have such qualities.
***Dr.P, I am super sorry I am late with both assignments. The day after school ended, I went to my dads house in Georgia for a few days before I attended Interlochen Arts Camp for 6 weeks. At Interlochen they don't allow phones or computers so I couldn't do my homework or contact anyone. The past few days, I have been in Georgia, and now i have been using a computer ;)
Again, sorry for being super late, I hope you are having a great summer and I look forward to this coming year!
-Dante Luna
(late. Aug-18-11. thanks much for allowing me to still submit this, Dr. P!)
1. Bad Sentence: The basics of color and design has reliance towards beginning artists. (As. Wv. Nf.)
(+) Beginning artists tend to rely on the basic rules of color and design.
2.Bad Sentence: The life of misery of the two children is caused by Heather's sworn revenge. (As. Pv. Wv. Nf.)
(+) Heather sworn revenge to give the two children a miserable life.
3.Bad Sentence: The coward personality of Molly is mostly a disadvantage to watch over her sister whenever she plays in the graveyard. (Pv. Wv. As)
(+) Molly cowers away whenever they reached the grave yard, making it difficult to watch over her sister.
.4.Bad Sentence: Michael's heavy depression as the destruction of his butterfly collection forced him to be silent for quite a while. (Wv. Nf. As.)
(+) Michael forced himself to stay silent to show his deep sorrow for his broken prized collection
5.Bad Sentence: Helen and Heather's friendship grew as their understanding of each other's tragic past are quite alike, tend Heather to shut Molly and her family out of it. (As. Nf. Pv)
(+) Heather, only trusts Helen about her past, tend to hide secrets from her family, thinking they wouldn’t understand.
6.Bad Sentence: The destruction of only Michael, Molly and their mother's room is an obvious suspicion for Molly that it was Helen's doing. (Pv. Wv. As. Nf.)
(+) Molly assumed Helen caused all the damage since only her family's rooms were destroyed.
**7.Bad Sentence: The lack of understanding their parents have, gave them ignorance towards their children's problems. (As. Nf. Pv.)
(+) The parents gave their children small attention, grown ignorant towards their children’s problems.
8.Bad Sentence: At he end, Heather struggled to get away from Helen, who only wanted to to drown her, turned towards Molly for salvation. (Nf. Pv)
(+) Heather finally turned towards her sister once Helen threatened her to jump in the pond.
9.Bad Sentence: The excitement of the children's long and awaited trip to their new house was died down to have heard that their yard was a cemetery, lost their expectations. (Pv. As. Wv.)
(+) the children lost their excitement and high expectations to only hear that the house linked to a cemetery.
10.Bad Sentence: The care Molly and her brother gives to her is usually pushed back and gets twisted around to only get them in trouble. (Pv. As. Wv)
(+) Heather never appreciated her step-sibling's care, and to only use the opportunity for revenge.
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